"You're Too Young to Preach!"

I'm usually pretty laid-back in life, but there are a few things about which I have a chip on my shoulder. One is the fact that I look young. It doesn't generally bother me, and I know one day it'll be a good thing, but when it interferes with how people perceive me in a position of authority—or with my own capacity to embrace that authority—I get irritated. So I'm going to sound annoyed for the first part of this post, but hopefully I'll get over it by the end.

I am young. I turned 24 in April. But I can't tell you how many time in the past few weeks I've heard some version of "You can't be more than 20!" Call me back in a decade when that starts to be a compliment. In the meantime, having someone say to me (as a woman did just today), "You're too young to preach"—that doesn't do much for my already lacking self-confidence.

I've tried to make adjustments on my end to make it easier for people to accept me as a leader-y type. I bought grown-up clothes and cut off my hair (OK, that was really just an impulsive thing. Check it out). But there is nothing I can do about the fact that I am a petite, cute blonde girl. Look, I know that I'm freaking adorable. If that sounds narcissistic, I'm just making up for a lifetime of false modesty that left me with a horrible self-image I'm starting to salvage.

I whined about this to my friend Ben my first week here in Indy. I was complaining about feeling like people don't take me seriously as a pastoral figure because I'm small and cute. I was frustrated with myself because a situation had arisen where I was questioning my own ability to comport myself pastorally without letting that other stuff get in the way. Ben pushed back—look, he said, you can be as professional and pastoral as it gets, but wearing an alb doesn't make you any less interesting or attractive (thanks, friend!). I don't cease to be me when I'm in the role of a pastor. Yes, there are boundaries to navigate and ways of interacting with parishioners that I need to learn, but that's precisely what I need to be figuring out now in preparation for ministry. If I look young now, I'll probably still look young in ten years.

I don't really want to complain about looking young or cute. Heck, I like being adorable. I like wearing pretty dresses and having a sassy haircut. I don't think that being a pastor means I have to be less attractive—sure, modesty is a thing, but that's a whole other discussion (seriously, post coming eventually about clergy apparel/women's clothing). So while comments about my youth might make me grumpy if I'm feeling particularly sensitive that day, here's my solution: I'm gonna keep doing my thing, chasing God and being awesome. I'm going to keep wearing my absurd collection of dresses and being young at heart and in demeanor. I'm going to pursue my vocation and kick its holy butt with God's help. There will always be someone who won't take me as seriously as I'd like because I'm a woman or Southern or short or Christian or cute...but maybe I take myself too seriously anyway. If I let myself get bent out of shape over such things, it'll only make it worse. (Am I doing that now? Ha...) Some days it feels like being young and pretty holds me back—but I bet it can be useful at times, even in a pastoral context, because what's not to love? :)