Friday, February 20, 2009

Bombarded by Grace

I need to just take a moment to reflect on how unbelievably blessed I have been lately. I am seriously blown away by how good God has been to me, especially when I think about how much I don't deserve anything at all. I don't pray as I ought, I make poor decisions that lead me into sin, and I hide or ignore the gifts God has given me...and he responds by calling to me in such a way that leaves me no other option but to fall on my knees in prayer, gives me opportunities and reasons to be better as a person, and open doors to let me use my talents to glorify him.

I've always been incredibly blessed, but the past few months really blow everything else out of the water. It started at the end of last semester: in the span of one week, I completed my undergraduate education, was offered the first full-time job I every applied for within 24 hours of my interview, and was accepted to Duke Divinity School on a full scholarship. Talk about being bombarded by grace. And it was all such a huge affirmation of who I am and what I'm called to be, I almost couldn't handle it. Particularly in thinking about starting seminary in the fall, I'm still really struggling because I am simply levelled with humility in the face of the hopes and expectations laid on me.

Things only got better when I returned to Durham in January and started work. I found that working a 40-hour week is vastly different from being a full-time student, and suddenly, I had free time--to spend with friends, with the youth from my church, on reading and prayer and music. I had been wanting to use the spring semester to get back into playing and writing music, and a random run-in with a local musician gave me the inspiration I needed to pick up where I left off in high school. Little did I know, that musician (Gary Mitchell, www.myspace.com/visionrise) would later have me playing shows and open mics with him, and that an incredible new relationship would develop from a chance encounter at the mall. I don't deal well with coincidence, and it makes my brain implode to try and fathom just how lucky and blessed I have been for everything to have fallen into place so perfectly.

Then there's Afton, a company that contacted me about a year ago asking if I'd be interested in booking shows through them. I ignored the email at the time, because I wasn't doing music then, but they got back with me in December and I've been in contact. I was hesitant to commit to a show with them because I'm still insecure about my talent and my ability to recruit fans, but my show last Saturday and attending an Afton showcase last night gave me a little more confidence, and I'm pursuing that further. Doing something like that could get me plugged into performing more regularly, and I could even make a little money if I get enough people to come to a show.

Also, it turns out one of the guys I'm living with next year is an MC, and a really good one. Brandon (www.myspace.com/mcmmusic) invited me to perform with him next Friday at the Durham Senior Center. I don't understand how these cool opportunities just keep falling into my lap. My life is so much fun right now, even in the face of the impending graduation of my class at Duke (which really depresses me) and the weight of what I'll be taking on when I start seminary in the fall. I can't believe how good God has been to me. I am humbled and grateful. Life is amazing.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Should We Save Money?

It seems to be a day of reflection, which is good, because I'm struggling with my job right now (more on that later, most likely). I'm listening to a sermon by Dr. Benji Kelley, pastor of New Hope Church in Durham, NC. In discussing money, he advocates a "10-10-80 Plan": give 10% of your income to the church as a tithe, save 10% for yourself for the future, and use 80% to live on now. There's nothing inherently wrong with this formula, and his main point, of course, is that you should tithe in response to Biblical command, but I want to needle at this a bit anyway.

As a disclaimer, I struggle with my relationship with money. Although people I love and respect have argued convincingly that wealth and sin are not necessarily correlated, I still have a really hard time even just being around people who have extreme wealth. I even feel guilty about the kind of car I drive, even if I only own it because of bizarre circumstances involving a car wreck (heh). Anyway, I just wanted to say upfront that I come down hard on the side of money being bad, and that obviously colors this discussion for me.

Over winter break, I went on a mission trip with my campus ministry group from Duke University. We worked for several days on hurricane relief in Galveston, then returned to Houston for a few days to celebrate the new year and to visit Casa Juan Diego. CJD is a Catholic Worker House that publishes the Houston Catholic Worker and provides housing to hundreds of illegal (yes, only illegal) immigrants and their families.

There are hundreds of reasons I'm basically in love with this place, but for now let's focus on their treatment of money. They provide food, housing, medical care, clothing, and countless other services to hundreds and hundreds of people every day. That costs money. When I asked the founders, Mark and Louise Zwick, how they raise funds, they simply responded, "We pray a lot." They get donations, mostly from individuals, and God provides. Their entire operation is based on enormous trust in God's ability to move in the hearts (and wallets) of other people.

The more interesting aspect of CJD's treatment of money as it pertains to this particular discussion is how they use funds once they receive them. CJD does not save money. Not a cent. When they get a donation, they immediately assess how it can best be used, and they use it. Nothing gets holed away for later; it is used to meet needs as they come and as funds are available. Mark and Louise don't have a retirement plan. They don't even necessarily know if they'll have money to run CJD each new day.

I personally operate a bit like this in the sense that I generally use whatever money I earn as it comes, but that's probably more out of my own inability to budget or even think about numbers than a desire to use my resources in a manner that mirror's CJD's approach. But the question of saving for retirement or what have you still remains. Kelley argues that even though he does believe Jesus is coming back and could do so even today, it's simply not good stewardship not to plan ahead. And of course, it's all well and good for me not to give a lick about how much money I'll have next month after I pay my rent now that I'm a single 20-something looking at a few more years of school (which will be paid for, by the way), but when I get married and have kids, how "responsible" do I need to become in setting aside money for my family? My parents have a retirement plan and fantastic life insurance (no, I'm not planning to murder my dad). How will I approach that as a "real" adult? I don't pretend to know. I love the idea of existing from day to day, trusting God will provide and not feeling like I can't do something or help someone because I need to save that money for when I'm 65. But I hear having kids changes everything. I guess we'll see.

That post was way less articulate and intellectual than I had hoped, but oh well.

Love Wins

On Monday, I went to a lecture at UNC by Frank Turek, author of I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist. There, he referred us to a video of a debate he had with Christopher Hitchens, author of God Is Not Great. I'm currently in the middle of watching the debate and had to pause to reflect on some things.

Hitchens' main point is not that God does not exist, but that we cannot know that God does exist. I concur. That's what faith is for. I don't want to believe in a God whose existence can be empirically proven by mortals. In such a case, faith is a moot point. If God's existence can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, there is no room for faith, hope, even love.

Apologetics as a field elicits a sort of inquisitive amusement from me. I take God's existence as a given, and I'm totally OK with that. I have no qualms about making that assumption. When people want to debate the "facts" with me, I'll indulge them to a certain extent, but it reaches a point where I simply lose interest, because I've been convicted by a faith that will not let me go and that could be neither convinced nor deterred by ontological, teleological or any other proof.

It's probably good for me to be in relationship with people who understand and are good at apologetics, because it simply isn't my cup of tea. I know all the arguments, but I'm far less likely to talk about the prime mover or creation ex nihilo than I am to share the ways in which God has moved in my life and in the communities of which I am a part.

It simply isn't helpful to people who want the scientific-sounding answers, but that's just how I understand my faith—in relationships of God-given love. Not that I don't enjoy a good theological debate—I'm going to seminary in the fall, for goodness' sake—but I believe all of that should be trumped by the witness of the love reflected in believers' lives. They'll know we are Christians by our love—not by our intellectual arguments. Not that those aren't valid, but basically...love wins.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A Prayer from W. E. Orchard

Begotten of your love, O Father, we are made in your image. Cared for all our days, we are never beyond your sight. Enfolded in your heart, we are never out of your thought. To think of you is rest. To know you is eternal life. To see you is the end of all desire. To serve you is perfect freedom. To love you is everlasting joy. Amen.

— W. E. Orchard

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

One Pure and Holy Passion

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after you

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on, and I will run after you
Lead me on, and I will run after you

— Passion

Friday, February 20, 2009

Bombarded by Grace

I need to just take a moment to reflect on how unbelievably blessed I have been lately. I am seriously blown away by how good God has been to me, especially when I think about how much I don't deserve anything at all. I don't pray as I ought, I make poor decisions that lead me into sin, and I hide or ignore the gifts God has given me...and he responds by calling to me in such a way that leaves me no other option but to fall on my knees in prayer, gives me opportunities and reasons to be better as a person, and open doors to let me use my talents to glorify him.

I've always been incredibly blessed, but the past few months really blow everything else out of the water. It started at the end of last semester: in the span of one week, I completed my undergraduate education, was offered the first full-time job I every applied for within 24 hours of my interview, and was accepted to Duke Divinity School on a full scholarship. Talk about being bombarded by grace. And it was all such a huge affirmation of who I am and what I'm called to be, I almost couldn't handle it. Particularly in thinking about starting seminary in the fall, I'm still really struggling because I am simply levelled with humility in the face of the hopes and expectations laid on me.

Things only got better when I returned to Durham in January and started work. I found that working a 40-hour week is vastly different from being a full-time student, and suddenly, I had free time--to spend with friends, with the youth from my church, on reading and prayer and music. I had been wanting to use the spring semester to get back into playing and writing music, and a random run-in with a local musician gave me the inspiration I needed to pick up where I left off in high school. Little did I know, that musician (Gary Mitchell, www.myspace.com/visionrise) would later have me playing shows and open mics with him, and that an incredible new relationship would develop from a chance encounter at the mall. I don't deal well with coincidence, and it makes my brain implode to try and fathom just how lucky and blessed I have been for everything to have fallen into place so perfectly.

Then there's Afton, a company that contacted me about a year ago asking if I'd be interested in booking shows through them. I ignored the email at the time, because I wasn't doing music then, but they got back with me in December and I've been in contact. I was hesitant to commit to a show with them because I'm still insecure about my talent and my ability to recruit fans, but my show last Saturday and attending an Afton showcase last night gave me a little more confidence, and I'm pursuing that further. Doing something like that could get me plugged into performing more regularly, and I could even make a little money if I get enough people to come to a show.

Also, it turns out one of the guys I'm living with next year is an MC, and a really good one. Brandon (www.myspace.com/mcmmusic) invited me to perform with him next Friday at the Durham Senior Center. I don't understand how these cool opportunities just keep falling into my lap. My life is so much fun right now, even in the face of the impending graduation of my class at Duke (which really depresses me) and the weight of what I'll be taking on when I start seminary in the fall. I can't believe how good God has been to me. I am humbled and grateful. Life is amazing.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Should We Save Money?

It seems to be a day of reflection, which is good, because I'm struggling with my job right now (more on that later, most likely). I'm listening to a sermon by Dr. Benji Kelley, pastor of New Hope Church in Durham, NC. In discussing money, he advocates a "10-10-80 Plan": give 10% of your income to the church as a tithe, save 10% for yourself for the future, and use 80% to live on now. There's nothing inherently wrong with this formula, and his main point, of course, is that you should tithe in response to Biblical command, but I want to needle at this a bit anyway.

As a disclaimer, I struggle with my relationship with money. Although people I love and respect have argued convincingly that wealth and sin are not necessarily correlated, I still have a really hard time even just being around people who have extreme wealth. I even feel guilty about the kind of car I drive, even if I only own it because of bizarre circumstances involving a car wreck (heh). Anyway, I just wanted to say upfront that I come down hard on the side of money being bad, and that obviously colors this discussion for me.

Over winter break, I went on a mission trip with my campus ministry group from Duke University. We worked for several days on hurricane relief in Galveston, then returned to Houston for a few days to celebrate the new year and to visit Casa Juan Diego. CJD is a Catholic Worker House that publishes the Houston Catholic Worker and provides housing to hundreds of illegal (yes, only illegal) immigrants and their families.

There are hundreds of reasons I'm basically in love with this place, but for now let's focus on their treatment of money. They provide food, housing, medical care, clothing, and countless other services to hundreds and hundreds of people every day. That costs money. When I asked the founders, Mark and Louise Zwick, how they raise funds, they simply responded, "We pray a lot." They get donations, mostly from individuals, and God provides. Their entire operation is based on enormous trust in God's ability to move in the hearts (and wallets) of other people.

The more interesting aspect of CJD's treatment of money as it pertains to this particular discussion is how they use funds once they receive them. CJD does not save money. Not a cent. When they get a donation, they immediately assess how it can best be used, and they use it. Nothing gets holed away for later; it is used to meet needs as they come and as funds are available. Mark and Louise don't have a retirement plan. They don't even necessarily know if they'll have money to run CJD each new day.

I personally operate a bit like this in the sense that I generally use whatever money I earn as it comes, but that's probably more out of my own inability to budget or even think about numbers than a desire to use my resources in a manner that mirror's CJD's approach. But the question of saving for retirement or what have you still remains. Kelley argues that even though he does believe Jesus is coming back and could do so even today, it's simply not good stewardship not to plan ahead. And of course, it's all well and good for me not to give a lick about how much money I'll have next month after I pay my rent now that I'm a single 20-something looking at a few more years of school (which will be paid for, by the way), but when I get married and have kids, how "responsible" do I need to become in setting aside money for my family? My parents have a retirement plan and fantastic life insurance (no, I'm not planning to murder my dad). How will I approach that as a "real" adult? I don't pretend to know. I love the idea of existing from day to day, trusting God will provide and not feeling like I can't do something or help someone because I need to save that money for when I'm 65. But I hear having kids changes everything. I guess we'll see.

That post was way less articulate and intellectual than I had hoped, but oh well.

Love Wins

On Monday, I went to a lecture at UNC by Frank Turek, author of I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist. There, he referred us to a video of a debate he had with Christopher Hitchens, author of God Is Not Great. I'm currently in the middle of watching the debate and had to pause to reflect on some things.

Hitchens' main point is not that God does not exist, but that we cannot know that God does exist. I concur. That's what faith is for. I don't want to believe in a God whose existence can be empirically proven by mortals. In such a case, faith is a moot point. If God's existence can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, there is no room for faith, hope, even love.

Apologetics as a field elicits a sort of inquisitive amusement from me. I take God's existence as a given, and I'm totally OK with that. I have no qualms about making that assumption. When people want to debate the "facts" with me, I'll indulge them to a certain extent, but it reaches a point where I simply lose interest, because I've been convicted by a faith that will not let me go and that could be neither convinced nor deterred by ontological, teleological or any other proof.

It's probably good for me to be in relationship with people who understand and are good at apologetics, because it simply isn't my cup of tea. I know all the arguments, but I'm far less likely to talk about the prime mover or creation ex nihilo than I am to share the ways in which God has moved in my life and in the communities of which I am a part.

It simply isn't helpful to people who want the scientific-sounding answers, but that's just how I understand my faith—in relationships of God-given love. Not that I don't enjoy a good theological debate—I'm going to seminary in the fall, for goodness' sake—but I believe all of that should be trumped by the witness of the love reflected in believers' lives. They'll know we are Christians by our love—not by our intellectual arguments. Not that those aren't valid, but basically...love wins.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A Prayer from W. E. Orchard

Begotten of your love, O Father, we are made in your image. Cared for all our days, we are never beyond your sight. Enfolded in your heart, we are never out of your thought. To think of you is rest. To know you is eternal life. To see you is the end of all desire. To serve you is perfect freedom. To love you is everlasting joy. Amen.

— W. E. Orchard

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

One Pure and Holy Passion

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after you

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on, and I will run after you
Lead me on, and I will run after you

— Passion

 

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