Tuesday, June 21, 2011

"You're Too Young to Preach!"

I'm usually pretty laid-back in life, but there are a few things about which I have a chip on my shoulder. One is the fact that I look young. It doesn't generally bother me, and I know one day it'll be a good thing, but when it interferes with how people perceive me in a position of authority—or with my own capacity to embrace that authority—I get irritated. So I'm going to sound annoyed for the first part of this post, but hopefully I'll get over it by the end.

I am young. I turned 24 in April. But I can't tell you how many time in the past few weeks I've heard some version of "You can't be more than 20!" Call me back in a decade when that starts to be a compliment. In the meantime, having someone say to me (as a woman did just today), "You're too young to preach"—that doesn't do much for my already lacking self-confidence.

I've tried to make adjustments on my end to make it easier for people to accept me as a leader-y type. I bought grown-up clothes and cut off my hair (OK, that was really just an impulsive thing. Check it out). But there is nothing I can do about the fact that I am a petite, cute blonde girl. Look, I know that I'm freaking adorable. If that sounds narcissistic, I'm just making up for a lifetime of false modesty that left me with a horrible self-image I'm starting to salvage.

I whined about this to my friend Ben my first week here in Indy. I was complaining about feeling like people don't take me seriously as a pastoral figure because I'm small and cute. I was frustrated with myself because a situation had arisen where I was questioning my own ability to comport myself pastorally without letting that other stuff get in the way. Ben pushed back—look, he said, you can be as professional and pastoral as it gets, but wearing an alb doesn't make you any less interesting or attractive (thanks, friend!). I don't cease to be me when I'm in the role of a pastor. Yes, there are boundaries to navigate and ways of interacting with parishioners that I need to learn, but that's precisely what I need to be figuring out now in preparation for ministry. If I look young now, I'll probably still look young in ten years.

I don't really want to complain about looking young or cute. Heck, I like being adorable. I like wearing pretty dresses and having a sassy haircut. I don't think that being a pastor means I have to be less attractive—sure, modesty is a thing, but that's a whole other discussion (seriously, post coming eventually about clergy apparel/women's clothing). So while comments about my youth might make me grumpy if I'm feeling particularly sensitive that day, here's my solution: I'm gonna keep doing my thing, chasing God and being awesome. I'm going to keep wearing my absurd collection of dresses and being young at heart and in demeanor. I'm going to pursue my vocation and kick its holy butt with God's help. There will always be someone who won't take me as seriously as I'd like because I'm a woman or Southern or short or Christian or cute...but maybe I take myself too seriously anyway. If I let myself get bent out of shape over such things, it'll only make it worse. (Am I doing that now? Ha...) Some days it feels like being young and pretty holds me back—but I bet it can be useful at times, even in a pastoral context, because what's not to love? :)

4 comments:

Shay said...

The young thing is something that I care deeply about, too. Both because I am young and I have spent most of my time since graduating high school ministering to middle school and high school kids. There are some wonderful passages of scripture that point to God using the young in incredible ways and I refer to them often.
Just a couple weeks ago I preached about all the comments I get about being a young pastor. Basically if age, race, gender, attractiveness or any other external quality is defining our conception of effective ministry, we are missing the boat completely. Pentecost reminds us that the Holy Spirit has been poured out on all flesh and with that Spirit comes power to do God's work in this world.
Sarah, I am fully confident that the Holy Spirit is living and active in your life. Does anything else matter?

Morgan Guyton said...

I'm really sorry to hear this. It's ridiculous. I guess this particular person was trying to be funny and it bombed. How obnoxious! I'm not sure how I would respond pastorally to something like that. I don't have this issue because I'm prematurely bald. I wonder if there's a way to say something smart back like "Hey, just because you're OLD..." You kind of need to put the other person in their place in a way that doesn't seem too grouchy.

I tease my wife sometimes because she's 8 years older than me, particularly as a comeback when she makes a reference to my lack of maturity, but I probably see it as a joke more than she does.

Morgan Guyton said...

Sorry that this happened. I think you're an awesome preacher and a uniquely gifted and intelligent person in general (not that you need to hear me say that). I'm not sure how I would respond pastorally in this kind of situation. It sounds like the other person was trying to be funny and really failed badly. Perhaps say something back that's a little bit prickly but with enough of a coating of good nature: e.g. "Well I am YOUNGER THAN YOU..." Sometimes I make insensitive jokes about my wife's age because she's eight years older than me and I think it's funny until I see that she's really not laughing. It's something I'm still in the process of learning not to do because I'm pretty hard-headed. Even if the other person is dead serious, it's not the kind of feedback you can engage seriously.

zbiczmichael@gmail.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

"You're Too Young to Preach!"

I'm usually pretty laid-back in life, but there are a few things about which I have a chip on my shoulder. One is the fact that I look young. It doesn't generally bother me, and I know one day it'll be a good thing, but when it interferes with how people perceive me in a position of authority—or with my own capacity to embrace that authority—I get irritated. So I'm going to sound annoyed for the first part of this post, but hopefully I'll get over it by the end.

I am young. I turned 24 in April. But I can't tell you how many time in the past few weeks I've heard some version of "You can't be more than 20!" Call me back in a decade when that starts to be a compliment. In the meantime, having someone say to me (as a woman did just today), "You're too young to preach"—that doesn't do much for my already lacking self-confidence.

I've tried to make adjustments on my end to make it easier for people to accept me as a leader-y type. I bought grown-up clothes and cut off my hair (OK, that was really just an impulsive thing. Check it out). But there is nothing I can do about the fact that I am a petite, cute blonde girl. Look, I know that I'm freaking adorable. If that sounds narcissistic, I'm just making up for a lifetime of false modesty that left me with a horrible self-image I'm starting to salvage.

I whined about this to my friend Ben my first week here in Indy. I was complaining about feeling like people don't take me seriously as a pastoral figure because I'm small and cute. I was frustrated with myself because a situation had arisen where I was questioning my own ability to comport myself pastorally without letting that other stuff get in the way. Ben pushed back—look, he said, you can be as professional and pastoral as it gets, but wearing an alb doesn't make you any less interesting or attractive (thanks, friend!). I don't cease to be me when I'm in the role of a pastor. Yes, there are boundaries to navigate and ways of interacting with parishioners that I need to learn, but that's precisely what I need to be figuring out now in preparation for ministry. If I look young now, I'll probably still look young in ten years.

I don't really want to complain about looking young or cute. Heck, I like being adorable. I like wearing pretty dresses and having a sassy haircut. I don't think that being a pastor means I have to be less attractive—sure, modesty is a thing, but that's a whole other discussion (seriously, post coming eventually about clergy apparel/women's clothing). So while comments about my youth might make me grumpy if I'm feeling particularly sensitive that day, here's my solution: I'm gonna keep doing my thing, chasing God and being awesome. I'm going to keep wearing my absurd collection of dresses and being young at heart and in demeanor. I'm going to pursue my vocation and kick its holy butt with God's help. There will always be someone who won't take me as seriously as I'd like because I'm a woman or Southern or short or Christian or cute...but maybe I take myself too seriously anyway. If I let myself get bent out of shape over such things, it'll only make it worse. (Am I doing that now? Ha...) Some days it feels like being young and pretty holds me back—but I bet it can be useful at times, even in a pastoral context, because what's not to love? :)

4 comments:

Shay said...

The young thing is something that I care deeply about, too. Both because I am young and I have spent most of my time since graduating high school ministering to middle school and high school kids. There are some wonderful passages of scripture that point to God using the young in incredible ways and I refer to them often.
Just a couple weeks ago I preached about all the comments I get about being a young pastor. Basically if age, race, gender, attractiveness or any other external quality is defining our conception of effective ministry, we are missing the boat completely. Pentecost reminds us that the Holy Spirit has been poured out on all flesh and with that Spirit comes power to do God's work in this world.
Sarah, I am fully confident that the Holy Spirit is living and active in your life. Does anything else matter?

Morgan Guyton said...

I'm really sorry to hear this. It's ridiculous. I guess this particular person was trying to be funny and it bombed. How obnoxious! I'm not sure how I would respond pastorally to something like that. I don't have this issue because I'm prematurely bald. I wonder if there's a way to say something smart back like "Hey, just because you're OLD..." You kind of need to put the other person in their place in a way that doesn't seem too grouchy.

I tease my wife sometimes because she's 8 years older than me, particularly as a comeback when she makes a reference to my lack of maturity, but I probably see it as a joke more than she does.

Morgan Guyton said...

Sorry that this happened. I think you're an awesome preacher and a uniquely gifted and intelligent person in general (not that you need to hear me say that). I'm not sure how I would respond pastorally in this kind of situation. It sounds like the other person was trying to be funny and really failed badly. Perhaps say something back that's a little bit prickly but with enough of a coating of good nature: e.g. "Well I am YOUNGER THAN YOU..." Sometimes I make insensitive jokes about my wife's age because she's eight years older than me and I think it's funny until I see that she's really not laughing. It's something I'm still in the process of learning not to do because I'm pretty hard-headed. Even if the other person is dead serious, it's not the kind of feedback you can engage seriously.

zbiczmichael@gmail.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
 

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