Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Relocating.

I'm moving over to Wordpress! Check out http://sarahshowell.wordpress.com for future posting. I'll maintain this site as an archive of old blog posts.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What I'm Reading #34: Unbroken (Laura Hillenbrand)

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption, by Laura Hillenbrand

I have to start with a confession: I do not know how to blog about Unbroken. It's an intense book, and I've had an emotionally intense month. What's more, I'm on the planning team for an upcoming Veterans' Day event, so questions of combat, trauma, etc. are already in my brain.

But here I go. If you choose to read on, please give me grace.

Unbroken tells the story of Louis Zamperini, an Olympic runner who became a bombadier in WWII and ended up as a POW in Japan. What he went through in captivity could not be more accurately described than "hell." A better title for this book would have been Broken. It is absolutely an inspiring survival story, but the depth of physical and emotional scars that Zamperini brings back from the war cannot be glossed over. Of course, the story of the war hero turned struggling veteran turned Christian finding redemption is an incredible narrative of pain, restoration and forgiveness. Zamperini's story is one that needs to be told. But there were some things about the book that concerned me.

Parts of this book felt like war pornography. (That's something I would not recommend Googling.) I blogged about disaster pornography in the wake of the earthquake in Haiti and tsunami in Japan this past spring after a devastating but vital lecture in my ethics class on poverty pornography left me cautious and sensitive to such things. The details of Zamperini's torture in POW camps is exhaustive and grisly. At some point, I realized that listening to this book was taking an emotional toll on me. I'm not saying that such stories shouldn't be told—far from it. But I wondered what the purpose of some of Hillenbrand's writing in those sections was, because there were parts that felt sadistic, not just in the content but in the telling.

This New York Times review of the book pointed out something I couldn't articulate until I read the article, something that helped me understand why I was feeling that way: we don't get very far into Zamperini's head. Our hero remains largely a stranger to the reader emotionally. And so, the jarring descriptions of abuse in POW camps begin to feel like the reader is being dragged through a horrific but depersonalized gauntlet of dehumanizing abuse. Moreover, Zamperini himself is the depersonalized hero who can do no wrong, and even when he comes home and begins to suffer from PTSD and flashbacks, it's like watching a stranger. Hillenbrand, and therefore the reader, remains a spectator, and that vantage point begins to feel problematic at a certain point. Some of the story becomes like a horrible train wreck from which you cannot look away and of which no sense or meaning is ever made.

Secondly—and I am deeply hesitant to go here and would urge any WWII vets to either stop reading or please forgive me—I was troubled by how one particular Japanese captor, Watanabi, nicknamed "the bird," was portrayed. This man committed atrocities beyond imagining that damaged his prisoners both physically and emotionally, many of them permanently. I would not have asked Zamperini to tell his story any differently, but even when toward the end of the book he writes a letter to the bird expressing forgiveness, Hillenbrand (again, as with Zamperini) does little to personalize Watanabi. The part that grated on my nerves the most was when the narrator described how decades after the war, Watanabi spoke of the horrors of war and how he himself was a victim of it. This was an experience I got from the audiobook, but the tone of voice that the narrator used in the sections where Watanabi was explaining himself was one of profound patronization. It was clear that the narrator thought Watanabi was full of it.

And maybe he was; Watanabi was undeniably cruel and certainly insane. Maybe he deserved to be mocked in his admittedly feeble and self-defensive attempts at confession. But the thing is that although it sounds to me like Watanabi was dangerous, he was right about war being an engine of horror in which people of any background can get caught up far more easily than we'd like to admit. I am thinking about all of this with Lawrence Brewer in the back of my mind. I don't blame anyone for being more willing to identify with Zamperini than with Watanabi, but does that act of distancing ourselves from human evil amount to us denying our own capacity for darkness?

I realize that part of my struggle is that in preparing for After the Yellow Ribbon (the conference going on this weekend), we're talking a lot about moral injury, particularly with combatants. Just tonight, I was with some of the other organizers, including a student veteran, watching an interview with this veteran that aired on the local news tonight. In his interview, he said that too often veterans are portrayed as either heroes or monsters, but neither is fair or right; heroes can do no wrong and therefore are misunderstood when they try to grapple with the moral implications of war, and monsters are incapable of redemption. What Unbroken did was to make Zamperini a hero and Watanabi a monster, thereby preventing either from being fully human for the readers.

And with that, I'll awkwardly back away from this book and hope that I haven't offended anyone too badly. (Not that I'm opposed to offending people. Because I'm not. But I'm more sensitive to veterans' issues now than I have been in the past, and I hope people will read this as a criticism of the book and of how we narrate war in this country, not as a slam on POWs or veterans or anyone, really.)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Who Are These, Robed in White?

This was revised from a sermon I preached in class on October 31, 2011 (All Hallows' Eve). My text was Revelation 7:9-17.
__________

"You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

This quote comes at a decisive moment in the movie The Matrix. The main character, Neo, has just been told that his whole life is a lie. Machines have taken over the world and enslaved humanity, farming their bodies for energy and projecting false images and experiences into their brains. Neo has been ripped out of the Matrix and given a choice: he can take the blue pill and go back into the comfortable but false world of the Matrix; or he can take the red pill, permanently exit the delusion and suffer the consequences of knowing the truth.
Spoiler alert: he takes the red pill.

"Who are these, robed in white, and where have they come from?" "These are they who have come out of the great ordeal." These are the martyrs. They have suffered for the faith. They have taken the red pill. They have gone down the rabbit-hole—and they have come out of it.

"Who are these, robed in white?" "These are they who have come out of the great ordeal; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb."

I wonder what their robes looked like before they washed them in the blood that cleanses and does not stain. What kind of stories would their robes have told? Imagine a child explaining the origin of stains on her favorite pair of jeans: this grass stain is from when I caught a fly ball to win the game; that grease spot is from the pizza we had at my last birthday party; that patch covers up the hole I tore climbing a tree. Now imagine the martyrs examining their dirty robes: this blood stain is from when I turned the other cheek; these two spots where dirt is ground into the fabric—those are from kneeling in prayer; the front of my robe is damp from tears shed for my brothers and sisters who suffered with me.

"Who are these, robed in white?" These are they who have washed their robes, but not before telling their story through the stains.

Today, suffering and death is shut away in hospitals and hidden from view. So it's no wonder the church doesn't always know how to deal with it. Too often we actually see religion as an escape from suffering. My father went to see the film The Passion of the Christ when it first came out, and as he left the theater, he saw a woman sobbing. She had just seen the movie as well. Curious, he asked her what had moved her so deeply. Through tears, she said, "Jesus suffered so I don't have to."

Jesus suffered so I don't have to. Friends, this is not the gospel. Jesus did not come to give us the blue pill. Yes, Jesus has released us from slavery to sin and death, and yes, there is comfort in the presence of the Holy Spirit. But that comfort comes in the midst of suffering, not instead of it; in Revelation, the elder declares that "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes," but not that God will prevent those tears from coming.

"Who are these, robed in white?" These are they who weep even as they stand around the throne. Revelation says, "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes," in the future tense. They weep because this image of the people around the throne is not yet reality. And in many places, comfort does not come. Sometimes, suffering goes on senselessly.

Let me be clear: suffering itself is not redemptive. The only human suffering that was ever redemptive was that of Christ on the cross. Although in the crucifixion and resurrection Christ defeated sin and death, we are still waiting for the final consummation of that victory. "Who are these, robed in white?" These are the martyrs who weep.

Throughout the Bible, it is clear that proclamation and persecution are intertwined. We see this in the Old Testament prophets, in John the Baptist, in Jesus himself and in the disciples' and the early church's participation in his ministry. In fact, Christians' willingness to suffer for the gospel has often been a catalyst for evangelism. Martin Mittelstadt says, "The greatest defense of the gospel...is that it is worth dying for."

"Who are these, robed in white?" These are they who have shown in their lives that the gospel is worth dying for. Of course, how many of us are ever going to be in a situation where we are asked to die for our beliefs? Certainly Christians around the world die every day for the faith, but few of us will ever have to make such a choice. But even if none of us in this room are bound for martyrdom or physical suffering, we can still choose to take the red pill. The blue pill offers us false comfort by allowing us to deny the reality of suffering. The red pill calls us down the rabbit-hole.

And what will we find there? Perhaps we will be forced to face our sin. Perhaps we will encounter the depths of injustice and oppression. Perhaps we will see in that darkness our deepest fears and wounds.

"Who are these, robed in white?" "These are they who have come out of the great ordeal." They have taken the red pill. They have gone down the rabbit-hole, and Jesus has met them there. He has been their light in the darkness.

Tonight, Duke Chapel will host perhaps the coolest worship service they have all year. At 10:30 p.m., people will gather on the steps of the chapel and light candles around a fire. They'll join in a greeting and an opening prayer, then process into the chapel. As they come down the aisle, they will be enveloped by the sounds of chanting. The choir will be up in the triforium, the narrow passage below the tall stained-glass windows. More candles will eerily light their robed figures as they chant, Requiem aeternam—"rest in peace." The service will include prayer, hymns, Scripture readings, stories of the saints and martyrs, and the celebration of the Eucharist. The church will feel fuller than it looks as the readers invoke the memories of the saints. The candles will send light and shadow dancing across faces and hymnals, only just holding back the darkness.

Hope doesn't always look like the blazing sunlight of a cloudless day. Often, it looks more like a candle flickering defiantly in the darkness. South African pastor Peter Storey says this: "A candle is a protest at midnight. It says to the darkness, 'I beg to differ.'" "Who are these, robed in white?" These are they whom Jesus has met in the rabbit-hole, to whose darkness Jesus has said, "I beg to differ." They have gone into the great ordeal, and they have come out of it because Christ has lit their way.

A little over a month ago, my sister's boyfriend had a bad reaction to some pain medication. This caused him to black out and lose oxygen for a period of time. As a result, he suffered extensive heart, kidney and brain damage. At first, it looked like he wouldn't survive the weekend. Then it appeared he might live for a long time in a coma.

Today, Shane is walking, talking, making jokes and remembering people. He is in rehab and his brain is still healing, but his progress is beyond what any of the doctors thought possible. Shane is a walking, talking miracle.

As I've gone through the emotional rollercoaster of Shane's hospitalization at a distance, I've been asking myself what hope means in the midst of suffering. Interestingly enough, it was Shane himself who gave me an answer.

Shane still gets a little confused about where he is sometimes. One evening recently—and I did get permission to tell this story—my sister Grace was visiting, and Shane got up and announced that they were going golfing. Grace patiently reminded him that it was dark outside. He retorted, "I know, I'm waiting for it to clear up." Puzzled, Grace said, "Shane, it's not like clouds; darkness doesn't just clear up." Shane looked at her and said, matter-of-factly:

"Don't you know about morning?"

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Relocating.

I'm moving over to Wordpress! Check out http://sarahshowell.wordpress.com for future posting. I'll maintain this site as an archive of old blog posts.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What I'm Reading #34: Unbroken (Laura Hillenbrand)

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption, by Laura Hillenbrand

I have to start with a confession: I do not know how to blog about Unbroken. It's an intense book, and I've had an emotionally intense month. What's more, I'm on the planning team for an upcoming Veterans' Day event, so questions of combat, trauma, etc. are already in my brain.

But here I go. If you choose to read on, please give me grace.

Unbroken tells the story of Louis Zamperini, an Olympic runner who became a bombadier in WWII and ended up as a POW in Japan. What he went through in captivity could not be more accurately described than "hell." A better title for this book would have been Broken. It is absolutely an inspiring survival story, but the depth of physical and emotional scars that Zamperini brings back from the war cannot be glossed over. Of course, the story of the war hero turned struggling veteran turned Christian finding redemption is an incredible narrative of pain, restoration and forgiveness. Zamperini's story is one that needs to be told. But there were some things about the book that concerned me.

Parts of this book felt like war pornography. (That's something I would not recommend Googling.) I blogged about disaster pornography in the wake of the earthquake in Haiti and tsunami in Japan this past spring after a devastating but vital lecture in my ethics class on poverty pornography left me cautious and sensitive to such things. The details of Zamperini's torture in POW camps is exhaustive and grisly. At some point, I realized that listening to this book was taking an emotional toll on me. I'm not saying that such stories shouldn't be told—far from it. But I wondered what the purpose of some of Hillenbrand's writing in those sections was, because there were parts that felt sadistic, not just in the content but in the telling.

This New York Times review of the book pointed out something I couldn't articulate until I read the article, something that helped me understand why I was feeling that way: we don't get very far into Zamperini's head. Our hero remains largely a stranger to the reader emotionally. And so, the jarring descriptions of abuse in POW camps begin to feel like the reader is being dragged through a horrific but depersonalized gauntlet of dehumanizing abuse. Moreover, Zamperini himself is the depersonalized hero who can do no wrong, and even when he comes home and begins to suffer from PTSD and flashbacks, it's like watching a stranger. Hillenbrand, and therefore the reader, remains a spectator, and that vantage point begins to feel problematic at a certain point. Some of the story becomes like a horrible train wreck from which you cannot look away and of which no sense or meaning is ever made.

Secondly—and I am deeply hesitant to go here and would urge any WWII vets to either stop reading or please forgive me—I was troubled by how one particular Japanese captor, Watanabi, nicknamed "the bird," was portrayed. This man committed atrocities beyond imagining that damaged his prisoners both physically and emotionally, many of them permanently. I would not have asked Zamperini to tell his story any differently, but even when toward the end of the book he writes a letter to the bird expressing forgiveness, Hillenbrand (again, as with Zamperini) does little to personalize Watanabi. The part that grated on my nerves the most was when the narrator described how decades after the war, Watanabi spoke of the horrors of war and how he himself was a victim of it. This was an experience I got from the audiobook, but the tone of voice that the narrator used in the sections where Watanabi was explaining himself was one of profound patronization. It was clear that the narrator thought Watanabi was full of it.

And maybe he was; Watanabi was undeniably cruel and certainly insane. Maybe he deserved to be mocked in his admittedly feeble and self-defensive attempts at confession. But the thing is that although it sounds to me like Watanabi was dangerous, he was right about war being an engine of horror in which people of any background can get caught up far more easily than we'd like to admit. I am thinking about all of this with Lawrence Brewer in the back of my mind. I don't blame anyone for being more willing to identify with Zamperini than with Watanabi, but does that act of distancing ourselves from human evil amount to us denying our own capacity for darkness?

I realize that part of my struggle is that in preparing for After the Yellow Ribbon (the conference going on this weekend), we're talking a lot about moral injury, particularly with combatants. Just tonight, I was with some of the other organizers, including a student veteran, watching an interview with this veteran that aired on the local news tonight. In his interview, he said that too often veterans are portrayed as either heroes or monsters, but neither is fair or right; heroes can do no wrong and therefore are misunderstood when they try to grapple with the moral implications of war, and monsters are incapable of redemption. What Unbroken did was to make Zamperini a hero and Watanabi a monster, thereby preventing either from being fully human for the readers.

And with that, I'll awkwardly back away from this book and hope that I haven't offended anyone too badly. (Not that I'm opposed to offending people. Because I'm not. But I'm more sensitive to veterans' issues now than I have been in the past, and I hope people will read this as a criticism of the book and of how we narrate war in this country, not as a slam on POWs or veterans or anyone, really.)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Who Are These, Robed in White?

This was revised from a sermon I preached in class on October 31, 2011 (All Hallows' Eve). My text was Revelation 7:9-17.
__________

"You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

This quote comes at a decisive moment in the movie The Matrix. The main character, Neo, has just been told that his whole life is a lie. Machines have taken over the world and enslaved humanity, farming their bodies for energy and projecting false images and experiences into their brains. Neo has been ripped out of the Matrix and given a choice: he can take the blue pill and go back into the comfortable but false world of the Matrix; or he can take the red pill, permanently exit the delusion and suffer the consequences of knowing the truth.
Spoiler alert: he takes the red pill.

"Who are these, robed in white, and where have they come from?" "These are they who have come out of the great ordeal." These are the martyrs. They have suffered for the faith. They have taken the red pill. They have gone down the rabbit-hole—and they have come out of it.

"Who are these, robed in white?" "These are they who have come out of the great ordeal; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb."

I wonder what their robes looked like before they washed them in the blood that cleanses and does not stain. What kind of stories would their robes have told? Imagine a child explaining the origin of stains on her favorite pair of jeans: this grass stain is from when I caught a fly ball to win the game; that grease spot is from the pizza we had at my last birthday party; that patch covers up the hole I tore climbing a tree. Now imagine the martyrs examining their dirty robes: this blood stain is from when I turned the other cheek; these two spots where dirt is ground into the fabric—those are from kneeling in prayer; the front of my robe is damp from tears shed for my brothers and sisters who suffered with me.

"Who are these, robed in white?" These are they who have washed their robes, but not before telling their story through the stains.

Today, suffering and death is shut away in hospitals and hidden from view. So it's no wonder the church doesn't always know how to deal with it. Too often we actually see religion as an escape from suffering. My father went to see the film The Passion of the Christ when it first came out, and as he left the theater, he saw a woman sobbing. She had just seen the movie as well. Curious, he asked her what had moved her so deeply. Through tears, she said, "Jesus suffered so I don't have to."

Jesus suffered so I don't have to. Friends, this is not the gospel. Jesus did not come to give us the blue pill. Yes, Jesus has released us from slavery to sin and death, and yes, there is comfort in the presence of the Holy Spirit. But that comfort comes in the midst of suffering, not instead of it; in Revelation, the elder declares that "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes," but not that God will prevent those tears from coming.

"Who are these, robed in white?" These are they who weep even as they stand around the throne. Revelation says, "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes," in the future tense. They weep because this image of the people around the throne is not yet reality. And in many places, comfort does not come. Sometimes, suffering goes on senselessly.

Let me be clear: suffering itself is not redemptive. The only human suffering that was ever redemptive was that of Christ on the cross. Although in the crucifixion and resurrection Christ defeated sin and death, we are still waiting for the final consummation of that victory. "Who are these, robed in white?" These are the martyrs who weep.

Throughout the Bible, it is clear that proclamation and persecution are intertwined. We see this in the Old Testament prophets, in John the Baptist, in Jesus himself and in the disciples' and the early church's participation in his ministry. In fact, Christians' willingness to suffer for the gospel has often been a catalyst for evangelism. Martin Mittelstadt says, "The greatest defense of the gospel...is that it is worth dying for."

"Who are these, robed in white?" These are they who have shown in their lives that the gospel is worth dying for. Of course, how many of us are ever going to be in a situation where we are asked to die for our beliefs? Certainly Christians around the world die every day for the faith, but few of us will ever have to make such a choice. But even if none of us in this room are bound for martyrdom or physical suffering, we can still choose to take the red pill. The blue pill offers us false comfort by allowing us to deny the reality of suffering. The red pill calls us down the rabbit-hole.

And what will we find there? Perhaps we will be forced to face our sin. Perhaps we will encounter the depths of injustice and oppression. Perhaps we will see in that darkness our deepest fears and wounds.

"Who are these, robed in white?" "These are they who have come out of the great ordeal." They have taken the red pill. They have gone down the rabbit-hole, and Jesus has met them there. He has been their light in the darkness.

Tonight, Duke Chapel will host perhaps the coolest worship service they have all year. At 10:30 p.m., people will gather on the steps of the chapel and light candles around a fire. They'll join in a greeting and an opening prayer, then process into the chapel. As they come down the aisle, they will be enveloped by the sounds of chanting. The choir will be up in the triforium, the narrow passage below the tall stained-glass windows. More candles will eerily light their robed figures as they chant, Requiem aeternam—"rest in peace." The service will include prayer, hymns, Scripture readings, stories of the saints and martyrs, and the celebration of the Eucharist. The church will feel fuller than it looks as the readers invoke the memories of the saints. The candles will send light and shadow dancing across faces and hymnals, only just holding back the darkness.

Hope doesn't always look like the blazing sunlight of a cloudless day. Often, it looks more like a candle flickering defiantly in the darkness. South African pastor Peter Storey says this: "A candle is a protest at midnight. It says to the darkness, 'I beg to differ.'" "Who are these, robed in white?" These are they whom Jesus has met in the rabbit-hole, to whose darkness Jesus has said, "I beg to differ." They have gone into the great ordeal, and they have come out of it because Christ has lit their way.

A little over a month ago, my sister's boyfriend had a bad reaction to some pain medication. This caused him to black out and lose oxygen for a period of time. As a result, he suffered extensive heart, kidney and brain damage. At first, it looked like he wouldn't survive the weekend. Then it appeared he might live for a long time in a coma.

Today, Shane is walking, talking, making jokes and remembering people. He is in rehab and his brain is still healing, but his progress is beyond what any of the doctors thought possible. Shane is a walking, talking miracle.

As I've gone through the emotional rollercoaster of Shane's hospitalization at a distance, I've been asking myself what hope means in the midst of suffering. Interestingly enough, it was Shane himself who gave me an answer.

Shane still gets a little confused about where he is sometimes. One evening recently—and I did get permission to tell this story—my sister Grace was visiting, and Shane got up and announced that they were going golfing. Grace patiently reminded him that it was dark outside. He retorted, "I know, I'm waiting for it to clear up." Puzzled, Grace said, "Shane, it's not like clouds; darkness doesn't just clear up." Shane looked at her and said, matter-of-factly:

"Don't you know about morning?"

 

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