After the Yellow Ribbon

Registration is now open for After the Yellow Ribbon, an event coming up in November at Duke Divinity School, sponsored by the student group Milites Christi. The conference will include a performance by and conversation with artist Derek Webb (that's the part for which I'm responsible). To learn more about the event, click here, and check out the awesome video below—Stanley Hauerwas on moral fragmentation and war.

Stanley Hauerwas: On moral fragmentation, formation, and repair from Pilar Timpane on Vimeo.

Interview conducted by
Logan Mehl-Laituri

Producer and Editor
Pilar Timpane

Associate Producer
Tyler Mahoney

Form Coming Through

I think I am going to like my preaching class.

This is not a surprise to me. Intro Preaching is being taught this semester by Chuck Campbell, about whom I have heard many classmates rave. And a number of my friends from both the second- and third-year class are taking Preaching this semester.

My first confirmation was the John Coltrane video that was playing as we took our seats. By the time Chuck (as he insists we call him) launched into a comparison between jazz and preaching, I was hooked.

Preaching, like jazz, is all about several different tensions, in particular the dynamic between learning and mastering the fundamentals (often tedious work) and having the freedom to improvise. The fact is that you cannot improvise freely unless you are solid on the fundamentals. This is not what I want to hear; I am the kind of person who tends to drop something if I can't do it well right away. But this is true not only about preaching and music but also about ministry, relationships, spirituality and more; you can't get to the really exciting stuff without learning your scales, and the better prepared you are on the fundamentals, the freer you are to play.

One thing Chuck pointed out that I particularly liked is that the term performer at its root means "form coming through." The form, whether it is jazz or preaching or any number of things, is always particular to the one performing because it is embodied in that person. Chuck encouraged us to find something that we are really good at and care about, relate that to preaching and try to find a place in you where preaching and that meet to play together and inform each other. Preaching is not about the preacher, but it is never separated from the preacher's particularity.

As much as I've whined about having to take this course because it meets twice a week for 2.5 hours, I really am looking forward to preaching class. I have a professor who really cares and gets it, and classmates who are ready both to work and to play and to challenge me to do a little more of both.

A Franciscan Blessing

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Amen.

What I'm Reading #29: Blue Like Jazz (Donald Miller)

Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality, by Donald Miller

Blue Like Jazz (Thomas Nelson, 2003) is one of those books I've thought vaguely I should read for a few years now. I'd see it in the bookstore as an assigned text for a class I wasn't taking, glance at the pretty blue cover and think, "I should get around to that someday." As it turns out, "someday" was dictated by the Kindle version being on sale and me needing something other than school-related books to read before classes start.

I was skeptical at first. Any Christian book that does well on sales whose author is still living generally makes me suspicious. But I found this book profound in its simplicity and helpful in many ways. Sure, at times it sounded like Miller was trying a little too hard to create his own Traveling Mercies (and he admits this was part of his intention), but overall it was a straightforward, unadorned look into the thoughts and feelings of another pilgrim searching for the path, and it did what I think a good autobiography or memoir should do: it made me feel a little less alone.

I'm sure different parts of Miller's story will resonate with different people, and there may be things I overlooked now that might strike me as significant later, or vice versa. Although I found nuggets throughout to cling to, the part that I most identified with was when Miller talked about a time when he was in a relationship and found himself unable to believe that he was really loved. He would get anxious and needy, always seeking his significant other's affirmation, until it finally became too much for her. He realized that at some point he needed to be able to love himself, to allow God to love him, to embrace his own belovedness, before he could truly love another person. It reminded me a lot of Henri Nouwen's books Life of the Beloved and The Inner Voice of Love, but from a very concrete young adult perspective.

Knowing that another Christian struggles with some of the same things I do, whether that's feeling loved, enjoying the company of atheists more than that of other Christians at times, having questions about the Bible or any number of other things, was nice. Sometimes the suberabundance of spiritual memoirs feels narcissistic to me, but isn't it true that all we really have are our own stories of encounters with God? And if that's what we have, shouldn't we share it?


Favorite Quotations

"Do I want social justice for the oppressed, or do I just want to be known as a socially active person?"

"Nothing is going to change in the Congo until you and I figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror."

"The goofy thing about Christian faith is that you believe it and don't believe it at the same time."

"I love to give charity, but I don't want to be charity. This is why I have so much trouble with grace."

"Self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean; accepting God's love will."

"...there are some guys who don't believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it's about who is smarter, and honestly I don't care."

"...believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is like making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon."

Constructive Conflict Resolution (or, Stop Being a Saint)

I spent most of my day yesterday in a (very cold) room in Duke's Smith Warehouse. From 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., I was in a class on Constructive Conflict Resolution as part of Duke Continuing Studies' Nonprofit Management Certificate requirements. The classes I've taken for the program have been hit or miss in terms of their helpfulness, but this one was definitely a hit. The instructor, Robert Kenney, really knew his stuff and continually checked in with the 6 of us to make sure we were keeping up and were able to connect what we were learning with real life in terms of applicability.

We went through a lot of material, looking at the basics of conflict, root cause analysis, conflict resolution styles, active listening, constructive feedback and more. But perhaps the most helpful part was when we examined several different conflict styles, diagnosed our default modes, and considered how to move from where we naturally are to a more constructive approach. I've reproduced a chart he showed us below:

I didn't even have to read the descriptions or look too hard at the chart to figure out which style represented me. I am the saint, the smoother. This made me feel good about myself for about 2 seconds, until I read the description and realized that smoothers often put on a false front and ultimately are seeking others' approval, not really a resolution to a conflict. Ouch.

Let me just go over the conflict styles quickly. Avoiding is exactly what it sounds like, but something I hadn't thought of before is that although temporary avoiding can sometimes be helpful to let conflicting parties cool off, using avoiding as a permanent solution involves not only walking away from a conflict but also walking away from the relationship. By saying the conflict isn't important enough to deal with, you're saying the relationship isn't worth your time and energy. Eek. Smoothing often puts the other person's interests first but can be disingenuous when the smoother doesn't admit that he or she has a stake in the conflict. Fighting is the most common response, where one's own concerns are first; this style is appropriate in some circumstances, of course (like abuse or when the other party has clearly done something wrong), but is generally unproductive. Bargaining is basically compromise and is good, but the best outcome is problem solving, where brainstorming leads to a joint conclusion that benefits both parties. Kenney encouraged us always to aim for problem solving, because then if you have to settle for second best, where you end up is with bargaining, which is still OK; but if you aim low for bargaining, you may still fall to smoothing, avoiding or fighting.

The goal of self-diagnosis was to figure out how to move from our natural tendencies (which are almost never the best ones) to problem solving. In my case, here's what I have to do as a smoother: I have to realize that it's only a temporary fix, and I need to acknowledge my own concerns in the situation. My first reaction to conflict (which I fear profoundly) is usually to apologize and to seek to change my behavior or situation to make everything OK for the other person, even if such a change is not beneficial to me. I credit this to my natural peacemaking tendencies, but what I hadn't thought of is that ultimately it is not an honest approach to conflict resolution and may make me seem insincere. Plus, if I constantly yield ground to others and never stand my own, I'll end up feeling bitter and put-upon, and nobody likes a martyr.

I liked that the axes of the chart had to do with concern for others and concern for self; I hadn't really thought of conflict in those terms before. I tend to think that humility and selflessness are good traits, but I'm realizing that I sometimes misconstrue those values. I assume that in order to have a high concern for others, I must have no thought for myself. Certainly there may be circumstances in which this is the case, but if I've been paying any attention to the gobs of Henri Nouwen I've read, I should know that the only way I can love anyone else rightly is by accepting my own belovedness. I think the same principle applies here. If I cannot acknowledge my own needs and values as important in a conflict situation, how can I do so for someone else? Humility is not about self-deprecation but about seeing and valuing the personhood of both oneself and of another human being equally. Just as a fighter creates more problems by putting his or her concerns above those of others, I do no one any favors by denying my own concerns. That's not a relationship; it's a means of pacification, and probably ultimately lets me feel good about myself for how humble and selfless I am.

What's your default conflict style? When might one of the less desirable styles actually be necessary? How can the church help people, communities and institutions better manage conflict?

My last year of seminary is going to be insane

I'm not sure if blogging about how crazy this year is going to be will reduce or increase my stress...but I'm in the process of populating my task management software (I use Schoolhouse) with pretty much every reading assignment, paper, exam, activity, deadline, etc., and it's actually making me feel a lot better, so maybe this will do the same.

Taking a step back: in a week and a half, I will start my third and final year at Duke Divinity School. If all goes as planned, I will graduate in May, be commissioned in June and then start a real job somewhere. This terrifies me, and I am compensating by overcommitting and making my last year crazy, awesome, and crazy awesome. Here are the things I have going on for 2011-2012:

• School. This is the one I'm most likely to neglect, so I need to list it first. I'm going to be completing my summer directed study on evangelism (no, my paper's not finished yet) and taking 3 courses: Preaching, Methodism (the first semester, which I skipped) and a course on contextualizing the Gospel, taught by Father Rommen, our resident Eastern Orthodox guru of awesome. I would like to have decent grades, but we'll see how that goes. In the spring, I know I have a Black Church Studies requirement as well as a Missions requirement left, and from there I'll hopefully get some electives squeezed in (finally). I'm theoretically doing the Hebrew reading group as well, though I dropped voice lessons at least for the fall (sad but necessary time- and money-wise).
• The Burch House. I'm moving back into 913 Burch with some of my favorite people! There will actually be 7 of us there until Samuel gets married in October, and we'll be back to only 2 girls, but I'm excited to move in, get settled and get into the routine of prayers, meals, etc. We also need to have another epic house party/bonfire at least once this year.
  
• Teaching at Methodist University. This is why I'm only taking 3 classes this fall. Somehow, I have been offered the opportunity to teach a Biblical literature course at Methodist University in Fayetteville. It blows my mind that the religion department there would entrust me with this task, and I am both terrified and excited by the challenge. I'm not creating a class, just adapting a professor's syllabus and doing my own take on one he teaches regularly. I'm hoping it'll be a good way for me to get my feet wet in real teaching, which is something I've claimed to be interested in but haven't really done beyond Sunday School and book studies. So Dukies, you won't see me Tuesday or Thursday afternoons, and when I have to grade papers, I may find deeper empathy for our preceptors than I've previously had.
• Goodson Chapel. I will be reprising my role from last year of worship intern for Goodson Chapel, helping to plan our Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday worship services. Fellow past intern Ron and I will welcome Kiki and Julie to the team and hopefully have at least as much fun as we did last year working with Sally Bates, David Arcus, and the many faculty, students, guest speakers, ensembles and more we get to collaborate with to create worship at Duke Divinity School.
  
• New Creation Arts Group. Despite what I said last spring, it looks like I will be in some leadership position for New Creation this year. Communications and publicity stuff comes naturally to me, so I'll be helping with some of that (including stewardship of our blog, which is evolving in content, theoretically) alongside our new leadership, and I was asked a while back if I'd be willing to continue to do music programming (i.e. pick up on David Johnston's awesome work with last year's concert series, etc.). My summer experience, particularly the Earth House part of it, has given me new energy for this kind of thing, so I'm really looking forward to continuing to be a part of the NCAG leadership team.
• Milites Christi. Here's another one of those "How the heck did I get involved with this?!" things. Milites Christi is a Divinity School student group concerned with cultivating a pastoral response to war, peace, veterans' issues, etc. In November, they're hosting an event called After the Yellow Ribbon that will be promoting some really important conversations around such things, and I'm primarily helping with a big concert happening the Saturday evening of the conference. Here's how I got connected: sometime last year, my classmate Logan Mehl-Laituri (who's spearheading all of this) said something like, "Hey, you play music, right? Do you want to open for Derek Webb?" And that's how I ended up with my name on the contract that's bringing Derek Webb to Goodson Chapel in November. Oh, and I'm reading drafts of a book Logan is writing as part of a group of people helping him with feedback as he goes.
• Vespers Ensemble. I was in the Duke Chapel Vespers Ensemble from 2006-2008 and returned last fall. I love this choir. We sing some incredible music, and especially last spring, we developed a sense of community and camaraderie that made it even more enjoyable to be a part of the group. This fall, thanks to the course at Methodist, I will not be able to sing in the weekly Thursday evening vespers services, but I will still participate in weekly rehearsals, go to Boone with them in October to sing at a church there, and join in our winter concert. Besides being my main source of musical challenge these days, Vespers has also become an important social outlet for me, particularly because its members are not all (or even mostly) Christian, and I sometimes forget how much of a bubble the Div School is.
• Certificate in Nonprofit Management. For a while now, I've been working on earning the Certificate in Nonprofit Management from Duke Continuing Studies. This has been my attempt at rounding out my seminary education with courses on fundraising, grantwriting, accounting, conflict resolution and more. It's been start-and-stop for scheduling reasons, but I'm finally close to completing the certificate and hope to do so before the fall semester ends.
• Commissioning. If I want to be commissioned next spring (and I do), I have to write my commissioning papers by January. Actually, first I need to apply for commissioning by the end of this month—sending in that application is on my to-do list for tomorrow. These papers cover theology, doctrine, and a bunch of other stuff...clearly, I need to sit down with the assignments and wrap my brain around them. These papers always seem to cause great anxiety for Methodist students, but I'm hoping I can manage them alongside my schoolwork without too much angst.
  
• CCDA. This is just one week on October, but I'm excited enough about it to include it. The Christian Community Development Association (CCDA) holds an annual event that I've heard of but never been quite motivated enough to attend. This year, it's being held in my new favorite city, Indianapolis, so the plan is to road trip up there with some of my favorite Div Schoolers, see my Indy friends, and participate in what I've heard is a pretty awesome conference.
• My music. I've scaled back gigging and have decided I'm only playing shows in Durham, but I already have two solo shows coming up in the next few weeks. Turns out that when you send incessant booking emails for 2 years, whether for yourself or not, people contact you when they need a performer. Also, I'm theoretically opening for Derek Webb. Also, I learned a new style of guitar playing and began adjusting my approach to songwriting over the summer, so I'll be adapting a lot of how I do music as I go this year. I'd love to do some more writing and recording, including continuing to pursue my interest in writing modern hymns that I stumbled upon last year. I'm actually singing a hymn of mind at my dad's church this Sunday, arranged for piano and cello by the amazing music minister there...I'll let y'all know how that goes.
  
• GET A LIFE!!! This is actually probably my highest priority. I want to have a life my last year of seminary. My first year, I didn't bother to make friends. My second year, I did better, and especially towards the end of spring semester, I had begun to develop some friendships that I very much hope will deepen this year. I am excited to pursue these and other new and old relationships with friends, classmates, colleagues, etc.

Hm. That is a lot of stuff. Seeing it kinda makes my head want to implode, but I'm also pumped up now. I'm really excited about all of it. Feel free to check my pulse anytime you see me in the halls, though. ;)

Finding True North #37: What DID I Find?

I am currently in Ann Arbor visiting a good friend from undergrad, so although field ed is officially over, my midwest adventures continue a bit longer. Perhaps it's a means of denying the end of the summer, but I'm OK with that.

I came to this summer with a theme: "finding true north." I came without specific expectations but certainly with hopes. I hoped to wrestling with God and hopefully maneuver my way, however awkwardly, into some vocational clarity. Anticipating graduation in May of next year, I hoped to get a little direction and discernment on what might come after.

Around the next to last week of field ed, a friend asked if I had gotten the clarity for which I had hoped. I told him yes and no. My summer 2011 field ed experience could not have been more perfectly suited for me, in ways both expected and unexpected. Some of the things I most enjoyed came as no surprise, while some of what I grew most passionate about I could not have foreseen. Over the course of my 10 weeks in Indianapolis, God opened me up to possibilities that I hadn't dreamed of but which, as it turns out, are probably (hopefully) going to shape and even define my future ministry.

I've likened this opening up to an explosion. Through my work at North UMC and Lockerbie UMC, through the surprising gift of Earth House, through myriad friendships and relationships built over the course of the summer, I feel as if God has blown my world to bits. I know that's a violent image, but it has been a process that is both disconcerting and exciting. Maybe it's something like fireworks. Some of my expectations and self-imposed restrictions had to be destroyed in order to create something so much more exciting and beautiful.

The learning process is not over, of course; in fact, this summer was really just the beginning, at the most a continuation, of discernment processes that will probably go on throughout my life. I was affirmed in my passion for worship design; my horizons were expanded in my love of the arts; I was called out and challenged on administrative shortcomings that I had previously been able to gloss over quietly. The list of things to explore and work on has doubled from the beginning of the summer, not being checked off but rather being added to.

So, did I find true north? I'm not sure. I feel like God, rather than pointing me in a direction, showed me the potential for a whole new dimension of ministry. It's not about me deciding which road to take, but about finding where my path intersects with others, climbing a tree to expand my vision, wandering off the road to plant a garden or cutting my own path through the underbrush. God has given me the freedom and imagination to dream as big as God does, while constantly reminding me that dreams are not to be merely abstract visions but embodied, relational, and contextual. I will continue to pray for a vision of the forest and the trees.

Don't BS God

The other day, a friend of mine asked me a question that I get all the time: "Is it OK for me to pray for [insert prayer request here]?"

I have had people ask me if it's OK to pray for healing from cancer and PTSD, for good test grades, for a job, for their boyfriend not to be gay. Depending on who you are and what your faith background is (or isn't), there is almost certainly some confusion about for what it is acceptable to pray.

(Why people ask me, I don't know. I guess that's what I get for putting myself out there publicly as someone who's trying to figure out the God thing, whatever that means.)

I think it's a good question to ask. How we pray is not only an indicator of how we think about God, it can actually form our concept of God. Good prayer habits need to be cultivated so that we aren't just asking for selfish things but also praying for others, being aware of what's going on in the world, and attending to all facets of what should be a multi-level conversation with God.

Prayer does not come naturally to people, especially not in its fullness, which includes the good old ACTS acronym (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication) as well as lament, celebration, etc. Prayer is something about which we need to be intentional because it shapes our view of God, of others and of how we ought to live in this world.

But here's the thing: God doesn't want our BS. God wants us. There is nothing we can say to God that will come as a surprise. Prayer is not about politeness. Seek God's will in prayer, yes; but don't BS God.

If you have a desire that doesn't line up with what you believe God's will to be, guess what? God already knows that, and the only way you can start to reconcile your desires with what is best for you and for others is to be honest about those desires.

My friend who asked if she could pray for her boyfriend not to be gay? She's a pro-gay kind of person, and I'm sure that by now her prayer would be different and she would want to be able to want for him to discover and be comfortable in his true sexuality, but at the time the pain of losing a relationship in such bewildering circumstances was so strong that all she could do was to cry out and beg for it not to be true. And I think God was OK with that.

So. Pray for what you want! Reflect on that continuously, notice patterns in your desires and be willing to be self-critical and seek transformation when necessary, but be honest with God. You can't hide anything from him anyway.

Finding True North #36: Procrastination

(Source.)

I hesitate even to start writing this blog post, anticipating that I will save the draft and leave it unfinished for an embarrassingly ironic amount of time.

However, I have at least started it!

On Monday, I had my final one-on-one meeting with my supervisor here at North UMC, Kevin Armstrong. He had completed my final evaluation for the field ed office, so we went over that. I deeply appreciated Kevin's approach to the evaluation because he took it seriously and used it as an opportunity both to affirm and encourage me, as well as to call me out on shortcomings and things that need improvement.

One of the big things he pointed out to me was my tendency to procrastinate on unpleasant tasks, especially administrative tasks. This was not news to me, but especially since college, procrastination has become a talent of mine, so I've never really been called out on it before.

I'm dead serious about procrastination being a talent. I like to tell the story of the time my freshman year of college when I had two final papers due on the same day at 9:00 a.m. I started the first one (a 14-page paper) the day before at noon—and when I say "started," I do mean, "got books from the library and began my research." I finished that paper around 6:00 p.m., headed back to my dorm, stopped off for dinner along the way, chatted with a few friends, and by about 7:30 p.m. was stationed in the common room with a stack of physics books to start on a 20-page paper. Yes, I said a 20-page paper on physics. This included one book in French. I finished that paper around 4:30 a.m., slept for a few hours, got up, checked both papers briefly for typos, and turned them in.

I got As on both papers.

This story was repeated, though usually in less dramatic fashion, throughout my undergraduate career. I have yet to suffer serious consequences for procrastination, though I haven't been able to pull off As in the same way since starting graduate school, so there has been a little pushback for me in seminary.

Anyway. In going over our evaluation, Kevin pointed out that he's heard the phrase "I really ought to get on that" cross my lips many times this summer, and he's absolutely right. I should have a lot more written on my evangelism directed study than I do, and a few things got wrapped up this week that probably could have been done earlier.

I realized that the things on which I most regularly procrastinate (other than schoolwork) generally fall into 2 categories: simple but irritating tasks such as changing the address on my driver's license (which I just did after meaning to do so for about 2 years) and big tasks about which I am excited but which I fear I am not going to complete to my satisfaction.

My evangelism directed study falls into the latter category. I have enjoyed doing the reading, conversing and thinking related to that course way more than I ever anticipated. I think that once I get the paper written, it will be something of which I can be proud. And yet, I really only have a few pages on paper. Heck, writing this blog right now is really just a way of putting off working on it.

What Kevin said to me about procrastination and about administrative tasks in general is this: the main reason he came down on me in that area is that he knows I'm perfectly capable of doing that sort of work. Even I know that's true. I have great attention to detail, and if I'm convinced an administrative task is worth my time, I can rock its socks off. I think it's a combination of that—being convinced that it is worth my time—and being convinced that I am, in fact, capable of completing the task well. And maybe getting over my paralyzing fear of the phone.

Finding True North #35: The Kenya Interns

What some of my gentle readers may not know is that I am actually one of four Duke interns connected to North UMC this summer. You haven't heard much about the other three because, well, they were in Kenya for 7 weeks.

I did blog about the Global Interfaith Partnership, the organization that attempts to collaborate with various faith communities here in Indiana as well as with churches, schools and communities in Kenya. It is through that group that several Duke students travel to Kenya each year to work with the Umoja Project. This summer, Lindsey, Lydia and Camille focused specifically on the issue of the girl-child, gathering information and building relationships around women's empowerment as they visited churches, schools and more.

The Kenya interns came back to Indianapolis about a week and a half ago, and ever since then (and even before) I have constantly been asked about what they did in Kenya. But honestly, even though I've spent my share of time working in the conference room with them since their return, I didn't really know. I sporadically had kept up with their blog, but I didn't really know specifics.

However, last night the trio gave a presentation on their pilgrimage, and it gave some profound insight into their experiences. Each of the interns focused on a concept that had emerged as central to them individually over the course of the summer—for Camille, it was openness; for Lindsey, it was presence and trust; and for Lydia, it was empowerment. They showed pictures of the people they had met and the places they had visited, shared about what the Umoja Project is doing in communities and how it can better partner with people in the spirit of its name (which is Swahili for "unity"), and at times made themselves vulnerable to us as they described challenges they faced while in Kenya.

Perhaps most interesting to me personally was Lindsey's reflection on race. Lindsey was the only white intern, so she had some experiences that Lydia and Camille did not. Having struggled myself as I've considered international missions, it was helpful to me to hear Lindsey reflect on the ways in which she sometimes encountered different treatment because of her skin tone, from innocent things like children wanting to rub her arms to more intense experiences like someone suggesting that perhaps Jesus was a "mazungu" (white person or foreigner) because Jesus loved the children as Lindsey did.

It seemed to me that although the Kenya interns left a lot of their own questions unanswered, that was precisely how it should be. They closed essentially with an invitation into umoja—unity—not only in this particular project but in our lives as a whole. Although I am more than happy to have been "the intern who stayed," I have benefited from the connection with the Umoja Project through the other interns and will continue to do so as I return to school with these three incredible women.

When I Say I'm Pro-Life, This Is What I Mean

I am pro-life.

I respect the sanctity of every human life. This means that I am against abortion and the death penalty. (If you want to hear my reasoning on the latter, here is an article I wrote in undergrad on the subject.) It also means that I am anti-war, anti-torture, pro-gay and pro-union, and I have certain opinions on taxes, prison reform and immigration—because it's all connected for me.

But, while I am pro-life, I am anti-being-mean-to-women-in-difficult-situations. You will not find me demonizing a woman who has had an abortion. I will never picket an abortion clinic. I wouldn't be caught dead in one of those "Life Guard" t-shirts with a fetus in the cross.

Here's what inspired this post: I happened to pick up a copy of the Indy Star and saw this in an article about new laws going into effect in Indiana:

[If you are] A woman considering abortion: Your physician — regardless of whether he or she thinks it is true — will have to tell you that life begins at fertilization, though a federal judge put on hold a provision that required health-care professionals to say that a fetus can feel pain at 20 weeks. You'll also be required to view an ultrasound of the fetus unless you specifically decline to do so in writing.

I don't want to get into the science of reproduction, but my definition of when life begins is probably pretty early. However, this law troubles me. Here's the thing: I'm pro-life and anti-guilt, and I don't see how this law could be said to be aimed at anything other than guilt production. The part the federal judge withheld makes that even clearer. One of the lives for which I am, well, "pro" in a situation where a woman is considering an abortion is, in fact, the woman's life—not just her physical life but her dignity and overall well-being. Intentionally inflicting guilt upon someone, in my opinion, is life-destroying in its own way.

No woman should ever be shamed into keeping a baby—or, for that matter, into having an abortion (but that's a whole other can of worms). But I am pro-life. So what am I saying?

I think that preventing abortions needs to start long before a woman sets foot in a clinic. Sex education in public schools is broken (I grew up in a school system that had abstinence-only sex ed...which, honestly, is no sex ed at all). The spread of AIDS and other STDs, not to mention abortion and unwanted birth rates, is evidence enough that our society is failing to educate its members on sexual health. And I won't get too deep into this right now, but there are structures of shame and guilt in the church that hold women captive and turn the gift of life into a scarlet letter, and I can't imagine God doesn't find that offensive.

I am all about context. One thing that bothers me about this Indiana law is that it does not even give doctors the option of discerning the woman's situation. I don't think that ending a life, even an unborn life, can ever truly be justified, but an uncompromising stand against abortion will frequently fail to offer compassion and understanding to women making an unimaginably difficult decision. Attempting to "protect" an unborn child by turning it into a weapon against its mother is unfair both to the child and to the mother. There absolutely are loving, contextual ways to offer a woman alternatives to abortion, but simply telling her that life begins at fertilization (thereby implying she is choosing to end a life) feels, frankly, passive-aggressive and judgmental.