Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Finding True North #10: First Day at the Office

I woke up this morning at 7:00 a.m., 30 minutes before my alarm, which wasn't a big deal because I'd gone to bed at 10:00 p.m. the night before. I don't remember the last time I got 9 hours of sleep in a night.

That's beside the point. I'm just really proud of myself for getting some sleep.

My first day at the office started at 9:00 a.m. with morning prayers in the chapel at NUMC. This is a daily thing that the pastoral staff does and which is open to anyone who wants to come. They rotate weekly who leads prayers, and today Brenda led. She read this week's lectionary passage from Acts and then invited us into a period of silence, after which we went through the prayer request cards people had filled out on Sunday. We also took joys and concerns from within the group present and prayed together, closing with a hymn. I'm pretty stoked to be starting my days like this. (Theoretically, that's how my days start at Duke, but those days start at 6:30 a.m., so, yeah.)

I totally overdressed, by the way. I wore an awesome new dress from Anthropologie with a pair of heels that is super cute, but the right shoe squeaks when I walk. I've had them for years, and every time I put them on, I think, "This time it won't squeak." It always squeaks. I need to get rid of them. Anyway, I overshot the office dress code, but I figured it was better to over-dress than to under-dress. Plus, did I mention my new dress is awesome? Because it is.

After prayers, I spent some time talking to Brenda about plans for worship at Lockerbie Central UMC, where I'll spend some time this summer in addition to being at North. They're planning to experiment with a new worship format where they start with a time of prayer and worship, then move into a time of conversation that is structured but not a sermon. I may get to help lead one or two of these sessions, and I'm interested to see how it goes.

By the way, when I walked into Brenda's office, the first things I saw were the guitar and the huge Bose speaker tower. Amazing.

After that, I spent some time in Nancy Fykes' office. Nancy is Kevin's assistant, and her office is where my desk is. She took me on a full tour of the building, got me set up with a computer login, email, calendar and such, plus gave me keys to the building and my registration info for Annual Conference, which is next week. Nancy is on the ball.

For lunch, Kevin took myself and the three Kenya interns (plus Laura Steed, who just graduated from Duke Divinity and is going back to Kenya for 18 months, having spent last summer there) to Patachou (I'm trying to do a better job of logging my restaurant escapades here—I had the Caesar Salad Wrap and their Highlander Grog coffee, per Kevin's recommendation). Not only was lunch delicious, it was fun to hear the other interns (Lindsey Long, Lydia Malone and Camille Glover) talk about their hopes for the summer. I especially liked Lydia's answer to the question about expectations, because she said quite simply that she wanted to learn to love God more. And when they asked me about my hopes for North, I was able to tell them quite honestly that I'm not jealous of the Kenya interns (because I was worried I would be); I already felt really at home at North on Sunday and am so excited about being here for the summer. Sure, I'd love to go to Kenya someday, and I know my beautiful colleagues will meet God there; but my call right now is to meet God in Indianapolis, and I couldn't be happier to be here.

After lunch was my first staff meeting, and it was genuinely fun. We did some get-to-know-you games for the sake of us interns and talked about various upcoming events at the church. The Farmer's Market, which is held in the church parking lot, starts this Thursday, and June 13-15 is Party in the Park, a community outreach festival they started last year (I think). There's plenty else going on, those were just two neat examples. I also got to talk to Brenda and Mark (the music minister) about worship; I'm figuring out Pentecost, and the Sunday after (June 19) I'll be singing a solo in church. They're putting a lot of trust in me, having never heard my voice.

For the remainder of the day, I worked on my calendar and the bulletin for Pentecost. I had to come up with a sermon title, and an off-the-cuff post on Facebook solicited these ideas (titles for a sermon of unknown topic):
  • "Insert Sermon Title Here" (Anna Jensen)
  • "Reading Between the Lines" (inside joke with Kathy Smallridge dating back to high school)
  • "Reading Between the Lions" (Matt Rawle's early Christianity update to the previous suggestion)
  • "Hey Paul! Is That a Thorn in Your Side or Are You Just Happy to See Me?" (Ron Beaton, a fellow 2012 M.Div.)
...and others. Just thought those were amusing. Anyway, I'm bad at coming up with sermon titles, in part because I worry I'll get a great idea on Friday night and have to change my approach, but my sermon is called "The Ultimate Birthday Gift." I told you I'm bad at sermon titles.

Anyway, I came home for a bit after work before going back out to a dinner with the Green Samaritans, an adult group from the church. Kevin had invited me along but had to leave as soon as he got there because his father was just admitted to the hospital (prayers, please). So I ended up having a delightful evening listening to hilarious stories about kayaking mishaps and learning about what plants you can and can't grow in Indianapolis. These people were so friendly, as everyone at the church has been so far, and it was wonderful to get a chance to sit down and talk to folks. They even made up nametags to wear for my sake, which I appreciated. (Note to self: get your hands on a church directory ASAP.) Perhaps the best part was Doris...who will get her own post. For now, I'll just tell you that I've been noticing beautiful textile and multimedia banners and pieces of art around the church, and I had been told the woman who makes them is 93 and has been doing that for North for decades. I got to meet her and learn about her work tonight, and seriously, it merits its own post, but I need to get my hands on some pictures first.

Apparently sunset was at 9:06 p.m. tonight; it was at 8:31 p.m. in Charlotte. Sunrise is closer together though. I hadn't thought about daylight being different here until I talked to my mom around 9:30 and we still had some light. But I digress. My first day at the office was wonderful. Tomorrow will probably involve more work on worship for North and Lockerbie Central; I will also probably attend a meeting of the board of directors of the Global Interfaith Partnership in the afternoon. And I can probably delay my bike ride until after all of that, since apparently it stay light out past 9:00 here. Good night!

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Isenheim Altarpiece

The Isenheim Altarpiece is a 16th-century work of liturgical art painted by Matthias Grünewald. The work is larger than the image I'm posting, but this is the section that interests me most. Karl Barth kept a print of this painting in his office, and he was particularly drawn to John the Baptist's hand. Being so Christocentric in his theology, Barth wanted to embody that finger that points to Christ. My dad gave me a small print like this, and I've placed it in the window above my desk area for the summer. I hope it will be a reminder of the importance of pointing beyond myself to Christ.

Finding True North #9: The Monon

When I was 12, I wrecked my bike. It was my fault, and I unsuccessfully lied about how it happened (I am notoriously bad at lying), so my parents told me that if I wanted to replace my bike, I'd have to pay for it myself. At 12, I didn't exactly have the money for a new bike, so I just went without one until the summer before my senior year of college. I went to Back Alley Bikes in Chapel Hill and brought home a Schwinn that had been fixed up and was a slightly unpleasant dark pink color. Her name is PB&J, which stands for Pepto Bismol and Joy. I quickly fell in love with the American Tobacco Trail, a rails-to-trails project in Durham.

Needless to say, I was thrilled to learn that Indianapolis has several such trails, the main one being the Monon. I decided to explore it today, and I ended up biking for an hour and 45 minutes. I went a little further than I intended/realized and ended up in Carmel, a suburb just north of Indy. The trail provided a pretty interesting cross-section of the city (which, thankfully for my abysmal sense of direction, is a grid).

I started in the middle of this first map, by Broad Ripple near the Indianapolis Art Center. This trail entrance is really near the house where I'm staying—it only took a few minutes to get to the trail. I crossed the White River and Williams Creek as well as the Indiana School for the Blind. I ogled the loft apartments springing up along the Monon as I went.

Of course, where the map ends is not where I stopped. Here's another map to show where I kept going into Carmel. You see how the first map ends at 96th Street? That's where this one picks up. And can you make out the uppermost horizontal line on this second map? That's 146th Street, where I finally turned around. Whew. Oh and Carmel has this massive new community center (Monon Community Center) right on the trail, complete with a performing arts center, civic center and water park (which just opened this past Saturday). Wow.

Probably the best thing about the ride was the middle aged couple I met when I stopped to drink some water and study a trail map during my first leg of the ride. They asked for me to take their picture, then we started chatting. Their names are Barb and Ken ("Barbie and Ken," they joked) and they're from the south side of town. I had been basically ordered to go north on the Monon, and I had no intention of obeying that directive forever, so I saw this as an easy opportunity to ask about the south half of the Indy Monon. Barb and Ken assured me it was safe, plus there is apparently a really beautiful trail that breaks off from it further down. I'm interested to learn more about what parts of the city are considered "good" or "bad"—apparently NUMC is on the cusp of both. Barb's brief assessment was that the south side of town is more laid back and less economically advantaged. Anyway, they learned I was in seminary and welcomed me to the city, and Barb said she would pray for me. Amazing. This place gets better every day.

When I started out this morning, I was feeling ambitious and thought I could tackle the entire trail today. But I haven't exercised in a while, and as the morning went on, it got hotter and more crowded (thanks, Memorial Day holiday). I can already tell that my legs are going to be really sore tomorrow. But the next time I bike, I'm going to take the Monon south and see what I can find.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Finding True North #8: My First Sunday

This morning, I went to church at North UMC for the first time. And by "went to church," I do mean that I put on my new alb, sat up front with the clergy, and read Scripture in service. Nothing like being thrown in head first.

I love this church. Worship was awesome. The choir (under the direction of Mark Gilgallon) sounded great, and the organist (Martin Ellis) is fantastic. The choir did an introit and two anthems—and people responded with "Amen"s both to the choir and to the organ. Someone told me after service that I seemed so relaxed reading Scripture, and I think it's because although North's worship is highly liturgical, the atmosphere is...well, relaxed. I didn't feel intimidated or nervous, even in such a big, pseudo-gothic space (I'll take pictures soon).

The pastoral team is great. Kevin Armstrong is the senior pastor; Brenda Freije is the new Associate Pastor of Discipleship and Formation; and Brian Williams is the Pastor of Mission and Outreach. Before services, I convened with the 3 of them in the sacristy...which they refer to as "the batcave." It is clear that this church fosters a sense of camaraderie within the pastoral team, and it was just plain fun to be with them. Everyone has been so hospitable to me already—Teri Crouse is another intern (she goes to Christian Theological Seminary here in Indy) and was so helpful in getting me ready for the service. I'm looking forward to working with them all as the summer progresses.

After both services, I stood in the lobby with the 3 Kenya interns (the Duke students who do field ed in Kenya spend time at North before and after their trip to Africa) to meet and greet. The church members are incredibly friendly and welcoming. Everyone I met seemed genuinely glad for me to be there. I already got recruited to play on the softball team, to go to the symphony, and to sing a solo in church. I was also struck by the diversity within the congregation; it is a predominantly white church, but I met a number of African and African-American members. Also, I need to check my facts on this, but I believe that North is a reconciling church, if not officially then at least functionally. Members had nametags, and on many of them I spotted stickers with the Reconciling Ministries Network logo. There is diversity evident in a lot of different ways, and I'll be interested to explore the dynamics of that within the church further.

I'm running out of brain power at the moment—after church, I went to lunch with the Kenya interns and one of their hosts, then I came back, finished reading a book, drafted my Pentecost sermon, and did various things until some of Barbara's neighbors came over for dinner, and they left a little after 9, so...I'm wiped. Tomorrow, I don't have to work, so I'm hoping to explore the Monon Trail, a rails-to-trails greenway that runs through the city (and on which I could theoretically bike to work if it's not too hot). On Tuesday, I'll get to attend my first staff meeting, and I can't wait.

What I'm Reading #24: The Evangelistic Love of God and Neighbor (Scott Jones)

The Evangelistic Love of God and Neighbor: A Theology of Witness and Discipleship, by Scott J. Jones

I admittedly read The Evangelistic Love of God and Neighbor (Abingdon Press 2003) pretty quickly; this is one of the texts for my evangelism directed study, and I need to get a few more books read and move toward writing my first paper. But I did enjoy it and commend it as a helpful exploration of love of God and neighbor as the governing standard for evangelism. This book is especially applicable for parish ministry, particularly in a United Methodist setting, as that is its audience.

Jones begins chapter one thus: "To evangelize non-Christian persons without loving them fully is not to evangelize them well. To love non-Christian persons without evangelizing them is not to love them well. Loving God well means loving one's non-Christian neighbor evangelistically and evangelizing one's non-Christian neighbor lovingly." Love is the source and rule of evangelism. This is not a general, sweeping, vague love but a concrete, contextualized, Biblical love. Jones stresses the importance of relationships, not simply as means to an end but as genuine meeting places where God's love is shared.

Jones wrestles throughout the book with varying definitions of evangelism. He notes the danger of seeing evangelism too narrowly, in the sense that its goal is conversion and its activity ends there. He works from a definition set forth by William Abraham and expands it thus: evangelism is "that set of loving, intentional activities governed by the goal of initiating persons into Christian discipleship in response to the reign of God." For Jones, evangelism and discipleship cannot be separate. He draws on the commission text found in Matthew's gospel: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19).

Although I could have stood for a tighter structure in the book overall, I would recommend it for its accessibility and relevance. Particularly useful is the appendix, which includes a list of misconceptions about evangelism and 20 components of an evangelistic congregation.


Favorite Quotations

"The triune God is the primary agent in evangelism. Human agents play an important, but secondary role."

"[W]hatever privileged position we understand the church to hold in God's mission, it is highly presumptuous to suppose that God is not at work outside the church."

"It is not the aim of Christian evangelism to convert people. Rather, the aim of evangelism is to make disciples of Jesus Christ, and conversion is one part of that process."

"All Christians are called to bear witness in all places because Christ died for all persons."

"[L]ove is the chief criterion for the adequacy of evangelism."

"[T]o feed someone without inviting them to become a Christian is to fail to love them fully. Conversely, to invite someone into Christian discipleship without attending to their social, political, and physical needs is to fail to love them fully."

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Finding True North #7: Sadie

This afternoon, I took a nap. This was curled up first at my feet during and then in my arms after as she licked me awake:


Meet Sadie. I couldn't get a very good picture because she's never still (her tail at least is always moving). This is the dog that belongs to Babara, my awesome host here in Indianapolis. She thinks Sadie's an affenpinscher mix, and Sadie is super sweet. I'm grateful to have some furry, enthusiastic, uncomplicated love in the house this summer.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Finding True North #6: Getting There

I am now in Indianapolis! I started out around 9:30 a.m. and got here at about 8:00 p.m. after stops for bathroom breaks, gas, trying not to fall asleep, and getting cash for stupid toll roads in West Virginia. The map I posted was NOT the way my GPS took me.

I started in North Carolina.









I then drove through Virginia.









Then I spent a while in West Virginia, where I saw beautiful mountains except that there was an intense thunderstorm blocking my view.










Then suddenly I was in Kentucky! I had never been to Kentucky. It was very...Kentucky-ish.








I did not realize I was in Ohio until I came upon this crazy looking city on a river. I was very confused until I saw a sign for Cincinnati. (Also never been to Ohio. Could you guess?)











Finally, I crossed over into Indiana, and things flattened out considerably. Because Indiana is flat.













Now I am taking a breather before unpacking a few small things at the house where I'm staying. A church member is hosting me for the summer, and she is great. She immediately took me to her favorite restaurant, where I had delicious chipotle fish tacos. She also has a very cute dog named Sadie. And I have the run of her basement for the summer. And we drove past Peyton Manning's house.

Also, I passed the church on the way into town, and it is beautiful. I am a sucker for this kind of architecture—probably my favorite course in undergrad was an art history class on Gothic cathedrals.


Tomorrow I plan to unpack more fully, prep for liturgizing on Sunday, and maybe go explore on my bike a bit. My host showed me a bike trail in Broad Ripple that looks awesome and is close by.

Cannot contain my excitement. :)

Who Goes to Heaven?

I mentioned this program in my post about Rob Bell's book Love Wins. This was a dialogue at Myers Park UMC about the afterlife, heaven, hell, sin, redemption, etc. Parts 1 and 2 are below.



Thursday, May 26, 2011

Finding True North #5: A New Adventure

I am ready for my adventure to the north. My bags are packed, I'm stocked up on snacks and audiobooks, I gave my pet mice to the animal shelter yesterday, and last night my boyfriend of 2+ years and I broke up.

Not to equate all of those, of course. I'm being facetious. That last bit came after lots of prayer and discernment was the most mutual, amicable, fun and respectful breakup ever. Although there is definitely sadness involved, Gary and I hope to remain friends. If you're going "Whaaaaat??" because you're one of those people who has asked us recently when we're getting married (no offense, but that was getting super awkward), I've re-posted on Facebook a beautiful note Gary wrote explaining our decision and thanking everyone for their support.

So, I start out this summer experiencing loss on the one hand but freedom on the other. Our decision to separate was based largely on vocational discernment, and while there was a time when we thought our callings were more compatible, we realized our relationship wasn't giving either of us the space we needed to pursue God's will for our lives. So you see—"finding true north" has many layers for me. Like an onion. Or an ogre.

So, this onion-y, ogre-y princess ("princess" is the Hebrew meaning of my name, שרה) is hitting the road in the morning. Here's the route I'll take tomorrow (10 hours of driving plus stops):

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What I'm Reading #23: Love Wins (Rob Bell)

Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived by Rob Bell

Just the controversy surrounding Love Wins (HarperOne 2011) made me both want to read it and not want to read it. I compromised by listening to it on audiobook.

I am irritated by the controversy connected to Bell's book, partly because it feels like a manufactured marketing gimmick and partly because I enjoyed the book but now worry about being judged by my more intellectual friends for liking it. But the verdict is in: I very much like this book and appreciate how Bell has repackaged centuries of orthodox Christian thinking in an accessible, understandable format.

Because nothing Bell says is new, and he himself acknowledges that. He freely admits in the introduction that he isn't saying anything that hasn't been said before. Part of why some of his statements seem radical to certain branches of Christianity is that we don't care about history.

Anyway, the criticism of Bell departing from the Bible is garbage, because this book is profoundly biblical. Bell reframes the thoughts of past theologians like Origen and Gregory in a way that is both theological and pastoral, laying bare the frightening implications of much common thought about heaven and hell.

Bell tackles the individualistic nature of much thinking around salvation and belief, using scripture to broaden the discussion in terms of communities and the redemption of all creation rather than the reward or punishment of individual people based on their faith. At the end, he did something that I appreciated in talking about the difference between exclusivity (where a select few are saved and everyone else goes to eternal punishment) and inclusivity (where everyone is saved regardless). He suggested the existence of an exclusivity beyond inclusivity, one where Jesus "is as narrow as himself and as wide as the universe." Widening the scope of our understanding does not mean diluting the centrality of Jesus' person; in fact, it makes our imagination of him more true to who we know God to be.

While I was in the middle of listening to this book, I went home for a short visit and attended a program at Myers Park United Methodist Church on heaven and hell. Great timing. Four of the pastors at the church (my dad included) reflected upon and then fielded questions on the nature of the afterlife, salvation, etc. Bell's book got some airtime, but all of these pastors are Duke Divinity graduates, so they were more likely to talk about Bell's ancient sources than Love Wins. I appreciated how this program attempted to widen the discussion about heaven and hell while keeping it firmly grounded in the reality of Jesus Christ, something I think Bell also tried to do. If you're interested, you can listen to the conversation here.

Perhaps the best part of the program at MPUMC was when a little girl asked this question: "Does God still love us if we're in..." and pointed down, unable to say the word "hell." The answer, of course, was absolutely yes. So yes, Rob Bell. Love does, in fact, win.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Finding True North #4: Conference Calls and Being a Real Adult

I am a real adult. I pay my own rent, utilities, gas and food. Sure, I'm still on my parents' cell phone plan and the family car insurance, but whatever. I am a real adult. I am a part of conference calls with people in 3 different states planning events. Sure, I dialed in 5 minutes early because I was nervous and worried I couldn't access the call, and I spent most of the conversation sitting at a gas station just over the South Carolina border from Charlotte not contributing anything and doing things like accidentally turning on my stereo so I freaked out the rest of the group when Rob Bell's voice boomed out of the speakers, but whatever. I am a real adult.

It did feel kinda cool to be on a conference call. Here's a little background to explain what that was about and what it has to do with field ed: Marcia McFee is a professional worship designer who plans and leads worship for all kinds of events, including several Methodist annual conferences each summer and, in 2008, General Conference. I emailed her a while ago about shadowing her sometime, and whaddaya know, she's leading worship for the 2011 Indiana Annual Conference in a few weeks, so I'm going to be her student intern (read: coffee and bagels girl). This morning, she invited me to join a call with the folks involved in planning conference events. Having had no information ahead of time, I was just there to listen.

But I am excited about the opportunity to shadow Dr. McFee at conference. I'm going to be doing a ton of worship arts stuff with Brenda at NUMC over the summer, but this will be something a little different. McFee literally travels all over the country doing large-scale, visually-oriented, liturgically-focused worship design. I may never employ the level of performance and staging she does, because I suspect it wouldn't suit most local churches, but I am in sponge mode right now and am taking every possible opportunity to learn about worship, and I can't help but see God's providence in my placement at a church that was going to take me to Indiana AC anyway when it turned out McFee, who I'd emailed with for some time, would be there. Thanks, Jesus.

I have to laugh at myself for being on #4 in this blog series when I'm not even in Indy yet. Friday's coming, though. I can't wait.

What I'm Reading #22: Bossypants (Tina Fey)

Bossypants, by Tina Fey

I did the math: between last Monday, May 16 and this Friday, May 27, I will have driven about 35 hours. From Durham to Charlotte, Charlotte to Charleston, Charleston to Durham, Durham to Savannah, Savannah to Charlotte, Charlotte to Durham, and Durham to Indianapolis. Audiobooks have been and will be my saving grace.

Bossypants (Reagan Arthur Books 2011) was a super fun audiobook because it was entertaining in its own right, and hearing Tina Fey read it herself just multiplied the hilarity. I love Tina Fey; I think she's brilliant and funny, and this book was not only entertaining, it had some pretty interesting things to say.

First, she told about an experience of asking a group of women when they first knew that they were a woman (i.e. not just a girl, but a grown woman). She found that almost all of the responses involved men doing something nasty to them, usually yelling things from cars. How sad is it that? Women of the world: your womanhood is about WAY more than whether men will catcall when you walk by.

Fey also told of her experience as a teenager working at a local theater for two summers. In the first summer, she became good friends with a number of gay men, and by the end of that summer was willing to defend homosexuality to anyone who condemned it. But by part of the way through the second summer, she realized that she was unwittingly using those friends for how fun they were and for how she could tell them all her problems without dealing with theirs because they were still half-closeted. This is the quote that hit home and made me examine myself: "Gay people were made that way by God, but not solely for (my) entertainment. We can't expect our gay friends to always be single, celibate, and arriving early with the nacho fixin's. And we really need to let these people get married already."

There was also a point in the book where I thought of Sam Wells, the Dean of Duke Chapel. Bear with me. Fey's background is in improv, and in Bossypants she takes time to discuss the rules of improv as the rules of life. First off, improv is not a solo thing but requires at least one other person. Anyway, here are the basic rules:
  1. Start with "Yes"; always agree with your partner.
  2. Then say "Yes, and..."; add something to what your partner has done.
  3. Make statements; asking questions just puts it back on your partner to move the action.
  4. There are no mistakes, only opportunities.
Hint: Dean Wells wrote a whole book called Improvisation that uses the rules of improv (not these exactly, but similar) to talk about Christian ethics. Rule #2 is what Wells calls "overaccepting." I admit with great embarrassment that I have not yet read his book, but I intend to do so this summer, and then I'll probably have more to say about it, but still, it's cool.

I have a lot more to say, but then this post would get way too long (it probably already is) and you wouldn't need to read the book. I'll close by saying a little more about gender issues that Fey addresses. She talks about how while some thought women like J-Lo and Beyonce liberated women from some normative body image, they actually just added on to the impossible laundry list of desirable features, or things for a woman to hate about her body. She talks about how she gets asked, "Is it weird for you to be the boss of all these people?", something no one would ever think to ask a man in her position. She also talks about the hazard of being a woman who speaks her mind, and I thought of my ethics professor Amy Laura Hall when Fey said this (I feel like a chicken for editing out the expletive, because honestly, I don't care, but if Stanley Hauerwas has stopped using the f-word, maybe I should avoid it too): "Women, at least in comedy, are labeled 'crazy' after a certain age...I have a suspicion that the definition of 'crazy' in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to [have sex with] her anymore."

Of course, Fey had to talk about her gig as Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. It was interesting to hear about the process of her coming to do that when she was no longer on SNL at the time, even more interesting to hear about reactions to her character and how she handled those. She talked about how she did get a lot of criticism for her portrayal of Palin (which, by the way, I think was brilliant), usually for being too harsh on the vice presidential candidate at the time. Fey points out that plenty of her male colleagues have made much nastier jokes about male politicians, and if they are criticized, it's not in the same way. Here's what she concluded: people saw her (Fey) as a bitch, and they saw Palin as fragile. Both of these caricatures are profoundly genderized in problematic ways on both ends. Why can a man and a woman make the same kind of joke, and the man's funny but the woman's a bitch? Why would a male politician being mocked probably be ignored or told to (*cough*) "man up," while a woman who is satirized draws protective concern from supporters? These observations and more are why Fey's book was both highly amusing and very thought provoking. And now I will leave you with a hilarious video clip of Fey as Palin and Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton, because it is still funny.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Finding True North #3: T-Minus One Week

A week from tomorrow, I am driving to Indianapolis, IN from Durham, NC. (Must find audio books or figure out how to make my Kindle read to me through my car stereo.) A week from Sunday, I will be in worship at North UMC for the first time, and apparently I'll be serving as the liturgist! I originally thought I would get a Sunday to be in the congregation and feel things out, but there's logic to the change: I'm preaching on Pentecost, which is June 12, which is my 3rd Sunday at North. I had not done that math. Yikes. In any case, June 5 is Youth Sunday, so May 29 is my only opportunity to speak in front of the congregation before I, you know, exhort them or whatever. Double yikes.

After learning that, I did something I'd been working on since orientation but hadn't really felt pressed to get done: I ordered an alb (my favorite part of the Wikipedia definition of them term is the adjective "ample"). NUMC has graciously offered to buy me an alb, a wonderful gift, and so, behold the goofy alb model from CM Almy. I'd be interested to hear which of you (assuming people read this, woooo) are accustomed to seeing albs/robes in your churches, which of you aren't, and particularly what you think the impact of vestments is on conceptions of authority, leadership, etc. I may offer more thoughts later, though I'm going to hold off, partly because some of my reflections on leadership and dress has gender qualifications that I find super irritating but have to deal with, just not right now.

What I'm Reading #21: The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)

The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins

Since a theme of late seems to be me reading in mediums other than physical books, let me just say that I "read" The Hunger Games (Scholastic Press 2010) as an audio book while driving to and from Charleston this week. My boyfriend reads comic books voraciously; "real" books, not as often, but this series hooked him. He explained to me excitedly that the trilogy told the story of a post-apocalyptic society where 12 districts were controlled by the Capital, and each year two children are randomly selected from each district to fight to the death in an elaborate, televised, weeks-long battle. I was skeptical, but a combination of his ravings about the book and an article about/interview with Collins in The New York Times Magazine piqued my interest almost but not quite enough to read it, and a road trip closed the gap.

Caution: this book is violent. Viscerally, graphically violent. The idea of a tween or teen reading this book makes me nervous. On the other hand, Collins claims in her interview that part of the point is to make violence real for kids who probably grew up playing violent video games and for whom violence involves animated blood that dramatically splatters on the screen and then disappears.

On that note, there are 2 things I appreciated about this book, one general and one specific. Both have to do with reflecting critically on how we become spectators to violence. The general observation came first from Gary before I read the first book. As you watch characters as young as 12 being forced to battle to the death while being deprived of food, water and safety, you find yourself reacting with anger toward the Capital—for devising such a cruel sport, even more so for enjoying it, for watching and betting on the bloody deaths of teenagers. But, at some point during the Games, you realize that you're watching, too. You want to know who's going to die next. You are participating in the very spectatorship that you despised.

The more specific observation is related. A short flashback in the book describes how Katniss, the main character, one day was surprised in the woods by a girl and a boy, both obviously fleeing from danger. The fugitives cried out for help, but Katniss and her friend Gale do nothing, and the pair is captured as they watch. In reflecting on this memory when she later comes in contact with that girl, Katniss recalls that the experience was almost like watching the Hunger Games. I latched onto that: watching violence from afar, violence that you are neither expected nor able to do anything about, cripples your ability to do anything about real violence when it occurs. The bystander effect is compounded when the bystanders are conditioned to embrace and believe the role of spectator or vicarious participant, never given the option of intervening.

My friends and colleagues (one of whom was my professor for Christian ethics this past semester) Kara Slade and Amy Laura Hall are currently editing an article for The Other Journal on the books, and on young adult dystopian fiction more broadly. Kara was kind enough to share the draft with me, and I'll post the link in this post once it's public. Both of these incredible women point out the deeply problematic issues of horizontal competition (literally to the death) and spectating/participating in violence. These two are smarter than I and I agree with their assessment, but I think I would bring my reaction and theirs together by saying this: don't let your teenager, or any teenager you know, read this without a conversation partner. There's some pretty interesting stuff in The Hunger Games that I found a helpful, critical mirror to our society, but I don't know that I would have understood anything more than the competition and violence had I read this at 13.

Monday, May 16, 2011

What I'm Reading #20: The Imitation of Christ (Thomas à Kempis)

The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas à Kempis

Generally I blog about books after I've finished reading them, but I'm not far into The Imitation of Christ (my edition: Dover Publications 2003) and Thomas à Kempis is already kicking my spiritual butt (in a good way). This Christian classic was written in the 15th century, and I finally picked it up after stumbling across my roommate's copy and discovering later that yes, there is a Kindle edition—several, actually. I'm using the translation by Aloysius Croft and Harold Bolton, a more accessible translation, though some of the older versions preserve a poetic format that is really beautiful.

I've decided to use this book as a devotional aid over the summer, and I think the timing is, well, divine. The very first meditation is about avoiding pride in learning, and Lord knows (literally) that's something I need to hear. This summer I'm hopefully going to get to do some creative things and will probably be tempted to feel prideful, so I'm counting on Thomas (along with other people who are, you know, living) to help curb that temptation.

Like I said, I'm not far into this book, but I have already been blessed by its richness and simplicity. Already I would recommend it to anyone, but especially to students, ministers, or anyone in a role of spiritual leadership.


Favorite Quotations

"I would rather feel contrition than know how to define it."

"The more you know and the better you understand, the more severely will you be judged, unless your life is also the more holy. Do not be proud, therefore, because of your learning or skill. Rather, fear because of the talent given you."

"If men used as much care in uprooting vices and implanting virtues as they do in discussing problems, there would not be so much evil and scandal in the world."

"On the day of judgment, surely, we shall not be asked what we have read but what we have done; not how well we have spoken but how well we have lived."

"True peace of heart, then, is found in resisting passions, not in satisfying them."

"Do not be self-sufficient but place your trust in God."

"If there is good in you, see more good in others, so that you may remain humble."

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Finding True North #2: Beating the Metaphor to Death

In my post about field ed orientation, I explained where my blog series title "Finding True North" came from. I realize that it is cheesy, but on thinking about it, I'm going to be taking it to heart pretty hardcore this summer, especially as a theme of seeking vocational direction and discernment around school, relationships, and life after seminary. Maybe "Finding True North" is hokey—but I mean it.

And, just to beat the metaphor to death—I am someone who collects trinkets, keepsakes, any physical symbols of ideas and experiences meaningful to me. I wanted something I could hold or wear to keep me mindful of my discerning posture over the summer, so I went hunting on Etsy (a super fun website for handmade and niche gifts, FYI). The locket you see in this picture is being shipped to me today. Obviously it's a compass, which opens up (who doesn't love lockets?!). From the standpoint of the artist, the bird is purely ornamental, but I (unsurprisingly) identified it immediately as the Holy Spirit. I will wear this necklace over the summer as a reminder of and a prayer for my pursuit of direction, ever oriented toward God's call and guided by the Spirit.

Here's one of my favorite prayers, written by Thomas Merton. I actually adapted the lyrics and set it to music—it's still in progress, but maybe I'll record it soon. Here's my prayer for this summer (and, you know, life in general):

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Amen.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

What I'm Reading #19: Live to Tell (Brad Kallenberg)

Live to Tell: Evangelism for a Postmodern Age, by Brad J. Kallenberg

Live to Tell (Brazos 2002) is the first book we read for the directed study I'm doing this summer on evangelism. It's awesome, and I'll be using it a lot to frame my thinking and writing on the subject.

A little background: I have only recently been able to draw the distinction between evangelism (which the Great Commission demands) and Evangelicalism (which implies an ideological/political agenda). I spent my freshman year of undergrad referring to it only as "the E-word." For a long time, I associated evangelism with theology that would deny me my calling to the ministry because I'm a woman, with methodology that felt like cultural imperialism. Those issues and more are certainly part of the conversation, but I'm learning not to let those associations color my understanding of the call to witness as much as they have in the past.

Anyway. Kallenberg's book is great for framing a theological-philosophical approach to contextual evangelism. He pairs philosophy and theory with case studies to unpack the issues surrounding the question of how to share the Gospel in a world that is increasingly postmodern and post-Christian. Once, biblical literacy was widespread in America, and the moral authority of Scripture and the church could be assumed; neither is a given today. As the culture changes, our understanding of and approach to evangelism must change too.

Here are a few points Kallenberg makes that I appreciate:
  • Belief is not just individual but communal.
  • Sharing the Gospel requires not only translation but the teaching of a new language.
  • Narrative is central to evangelism, belief and discipleship.
  • Evangelism and discipleship cannot be separated.
  • Conversion is time intensive and requires a paradigm shift.
  • Conversion is less about intellectual assent than the participation in communal practices.
Kallenberg's academic influences are what my professor called "canonical" to Duke Divinity School—thinkers like Stanley Hauerwas and Alastair MacIntyre. Kallenberg outlines and then challenges the assumptions of modernity (reductionism, individualism, representationalism and propositionalism), advocating a move beyond these to embrace a holistic, embodied approach to the theology of evangelism.

I'm still thinking through the implications of Kallenberg's book, so I'll stop there and leave you with some some of his own words.


Favorite Quotations

"God's dealings with us are narratively shaped rather than theoretically driven. In other words, God sent us a gospel rather than a philosophical treatise!"

"[O]ne cannot properly read the Bible until the biblical text ceases to become the object that one views and becomes, instead, the lens itself through which one sees."

"[O]ur postmodern era reveals conversion to be a time-consuming—and time-redeeming—process."

"Salvation may be more than adoption and socialization into this new family's radical way of life, but it is certainly not less."

"Our words only have meaning insofar as we are engaged in doings."

"[We must] expand our notion of conversion from assent to a set of propositions to fluency that engages one in a form of life."

"If conservatives err by using Scripture as magic, liberals err by not taking the power of the Scripture seriously enough."

"[O]ur fascination with objective truths can sometimes obscure the more urgent issue of how we stand toward such truths."

"[A]nything worth doing is worth doing badly—until one can do it better."

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Finding True North #1: Orientation (or, I'm Really Excited for this Summer)

Last summer, I blogged about my experience serving as a field education intern at Hill's Chapel UMC in Stanley, NC. I've decided to do something similar this year as I venture to Indianapolis to work and learn in the community at North UMC. In the future, use this link to filter out just my blogs about being in Indy.

I've decided on the (maybe?) clever series title "Finding True North." I might wake up tomorrow and decide it's cheesy, but this struck me as appropriate for several reasons: (1) The church I will be serving is named North United Methodist Church, and I will be getting to know the congregation and seeking truth alongside and among them this summer; (2) I am, quite literally, going north—I've lived in the south all my life and will probably take a few gallons of sweet tea with me; and (3) The idiom "finding true north" has to do with getting your bearings in relationship to the north star, which never changes, and this summer for me is all about vocational discernment—that is, getting my bearings calling-wise in relation to God's steady love and the firm foundation that is the Gospel.

That having been said, I am SUPER excited about this summer. Yesterday and today we had field ed orientation at Duke Divinity School, so I got to meet my supervisors and learn more about the many, many amazing things I might get to do this summer, time and God permitting. Last night, I had the pleasure of meeting Brenda Freije, Associate Pastor of Discipleship and Formation, with whom I will probably be working a great deal. Brenda does a lot with worship and the arts, some at North and some at Lockerbie Central UMC, which runs Earth House, a coffeehouse and arts collective. Today we both caught up with Kevin Armstrong, the senior pastor at North, with whom I will also spend time in ministry. They joked that Brenda will do the fun stuff while Kevin will do the serious stuff—but I have a hunch it will all be fun.

One thing we have to do in a field ed placement is to create, commit to and fulfill what is called a Learning-Serving Covenant. The idea of this document is to set goals—some very practical, like when your day off is, when you can meet regularly with your supervisor, and others more along the lines of setting ministry and vocational goals—and to refer back to the covenant over the course of the 10-week assignment to see how things are going. They give us until a few weeks into our placement to turn it in so that we can get a handle on how things will go before we commit to such a thing, but Brenda and I sat down and went ahead and outlined a few general goals that we can frame more practically once I'm up there. I'd like to share a few of those because I am just SO excited about this.
  1. Worship planning and design is my current obsession and will be a big thing for me this summer. I'm already planning to follow Marcia McFee around at the Indiana Annual Conference. Brenda does a lot with worship arts both at North and at Lockerbie Central, so there will be plenty of opportunities for me to observe and perhaps contribute to creativity in liturgy and worship. North's Sunday morning worship is traditional in style but apparently has a great deal of space for creativity within that structure. Lockerbie Central's Sunday evening service is emergent (not contemporary), observes weekly Eucharist, and oftentimes conversation is substituted for preaching (this is a small group of young people). I already know that I will be preaching on Pentecost and am very much looking forward to that and to learning all I can from Brenda and the rest of the staff and laity at North.
  2. Hospitality, Evangelism and Membership is the name of North's current group that might also be called a welcoming or outreach committee. Right now, the team is in the process of re-tooling the vision and giving that ministry more direction, tools and a philosophy. That's at North; at Earth House and Lockerbie Central, the congregation is all young people, and the coffeehouse is intentionally low-key on evangelism because many of its constituents have been burned by the church or are anti-establishment. Apparently there is ongoing discernment about how to be a faithful witness to the Gospel without making it a bait-and-switch situation. Interestingly enough, I'll be working on a directed study in evangelism this summer, and our coursework is open to being determined by our interests, so I'm hoping to draw on my experience at North and Lockerbie Central to inform what I'm doing on that end. Brenda was interested to see what sort of things we'll be reading for the class since both churches are working toward a clearer philosophy of evangelism, so I may even be able to contribute to that effort in a way.
  3. Pastoral care is an area where I know I could use some work, so I was happy to hear from last year's intern at North that Rick Pickering, the Pastor for Care and Nurture, is a superb person to follow on pastoral visits. I am mildly terrified of hospitals and nursing homes, so observing someone like Rick will, I hope, help me overcome that obstacle to my future ministry, because that's what it is.
  4. A website re-launch/re-vamp is in the works. I'm a fan of technology and have dabbled in web design, and I'm particularly interested in observing how North works out the theology surrounding storytelling via its website.
  5. Mission and outreach seems to be central to North's self-identity, with a plethora of ministries both at home and abroad functioning at all times. I look forward to participating in as many of these programs as I can, especially Bread and Bowl, a soup kitchen that operates out of North three days a week. Side note: North, along with other partner churches, does a lot of work in Kenya, and the students from Duke who will be serving in Kenya will spend a few days in Indy at the beginning of the summer and then about a week and a half there at the end. It'll be fun to have them there and to hear about their experiences.
This blog post is entirely too long (unless you read my classmate Tom Lewis' blog) (which you should if you can find the time), so I'll end it there, but suffice to say I am thrilled about all the opportunities before me this summer. There is too much to do, and that's a good problem to have. Please be in prayer for me as God prepares me for this adventure and as I serve and learn in Indianapolis.

Friday, May 6, 2011

I Am a Person of Worth...Even without a Ph.D.


I've realized something recently. Sometimes when I think about my future, especially in terms of what other degree(s) I could get beyond an M.Div., my perceived self-worth is in the balance.

What's worse is that I (unconsciously and against my will) nuance it by assigning values to different post-master's options. I do not do this in a vacuum, but at heavy suggestion from institutions, especially my own beloved Duke University. A Ph.D. is best, a Th.D. almost as good, a Th.M. is OK but probably no one cares, and I've actually listened to people I respect openly mock the D.Min.—and I've internalized that. I want to shake my fist at the academic elitism that has always been on the fringe of my consciousness and has affected me more deeply than I probably realize.

It's funny, because as I look at such degree programs, I realize that the only one that is basically off the table for me is the Ph.D. I don't want to teach at a university, and it'd take a really compelling argument and the perfect program for me to pursue that. Besides, I have decent grades but not straight A's or theologically trendy research interests, and without those things, I doubt anyone will take an interest in me in that respect. (This is not me hating on Ph.D.'s. My dad has one. I have friends pursuing doctoral work. I'm very glad there are people who feel called to teach in higher education. I'm often jealous of them. It's just not for me, not in that focused a way.)

A Th.D. or D.Min. would be far better suited for me. At this point, I feel strongly called to parish ministry—whether in a traditional pastoral role or doing something a little out of the box, I'm not sure, but any degree would have to serve that ministerial end. The Th.D. and D.Min. programs I've looked at provide some incredible avenues for bringing together theological exploration and contextual ministry.

And then there's the part of me that often thinks I'm simply not called to go beyond my master's degree. And that scares me. Why is that? Well, I want to write, I want to be engaged in theological conversation, and I fear not being taken seriously because I lack the "Dr." in front of my name. I fear not being considered special. I fear being just another pastor.

That's downright prideful. I'm cringing just reading those last two sentences. But I seriously struggle with this. I don't think about it consciously until I, you know, think about it consciously. But there is a part of me that wonders if people will be disappointed in me if I don't continue my education—or, worse, that no one will care or notice if I don't. I honestly sometimes have to remind myself that I am a person of worth no matter what degrees I have to my name.

It's easy enough to figure out where this comes from. I grew up in a high-achieving family and started doing well in school early on. I was placed in classes two years ahead of my grade level with all the other high-achieving kids starting in middle school. I went to Duke and finished a semester early. A lifetime of encouragement and praise has left me terrified I won't live up to it all.

I can blame a classmate of mine for sending my brain down this road. The other day, here's what she posted as her Facebook status:

I have to repent. I repent of wanting good grades. I repent of wanting human recognition and human love. I repent of wanting something that is "mine". I'm not going to finish a program in the Divinity School and refuse to die to self at the last. Someone else may have it -- all of it: prizes, accolades, proud parents, loving spouses, happy families. I renounce any claim, any stake in this world.

I think I need to print that out and read it aloud every morning. My anxiety about my academic future is based completely in fear and pride. I rebuke that. I rebuke my greedy desires for achievement and recognition. Even if I am called to pursue a doctorate, the only way I can do so with any vocational integrity is to get to the point where I no longer need it for myself.

Lord, lead me. If your plans for me include more school, I'll put in the work necessary. If May 2012 marks the end of my academic career (though never my learning journey), so be it. Remind me that I am your child, and no degree or accolade could ever merit or compare to the assurance of your embrace.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Spirit Hymn

I've mentioned before that I'm interested in hymn writing. I've also blogged about the course I took this past semester on the Holy Spirit. Well, here those topics converge. While working on a paper about Eugene Rogers' book After the Spirit (which, you guessed it, I blogged about too), I got sidetracked and ended up writing a hymn to the Holy Spirit, using language we'd learned throughout the class and imagery drawing on Rogers' writing. Today, with my boyfriend's help, I recorded what is unimaginatively entitled "Spirit Hymn." (Hey, until about 10 minutes ago it was just called "Spirit.") Take a listen and check out the lyrics.

Spirit Hymn by sarahhowellmusic

Spirit, unify us by your love
Spirit, draw us in your life above
Pour yourself upon our hearts
Through your grace which abounds
You are gift and you are giver, you surround
Spirit

Spirit, open out our hearts to you
Spirit, make our sweet communion true
Give us strength to overcome
All the bound’ries in place
Open us to see God’s image on each face
Spirit

Spirit, comfort us in suffering
Spirit, to the body help us cling
Make us see upon the cross
Christ whose wounds are the balm
Hold us safe within the Savior’s nail-scarred palm
Spirit

Spirit, prophet and redeeming one
Spirit, with the Father and the Son
Let us live into your love
As partakers of God
Help us witness to your glory shed abroad
Spirit

Monday, May 2, 2011

Joining the Fray

I woke up this morning and got on Facebook, where I was immediately met with confusion. A typo led me to believe for a moment that the president was dead—but then I scrolled through a few more status updates and finally figured out that it was Osama bin Laden who had been killed. That's what I get for not having a TV or checking news online at night.

I saw several posts from classmates, many of them either quoting or echoing Proverbs 24:17, "Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice." But then I saw a post from a friend who is preparing to become a military chaplain. She expressed frustration, feeling like half the country was cheering over a dead man while her classmates were offering what she saw as sanctimonious judgments "taking the pacifist high road." What about all the people who have given their lives over the past decade or so to track down this man and his followers, terrorists who have killed thousands of people? Is there no appreciation or grace for them?

I felt a little chastised. I "take the pacifist high road" all the time, forgetting that sometimes I run the risk of spitting in the faces of soldiers and veterans, many of whom are people I love. My grandfather is an Air Force veteran, as is my boyfriend's dad. Yes, I find the cheering and singing of "We Are the Champions" a distasteful reaction to any killing; but I need to be reminded that things are more complicated than that. I can sit smugly at home and pass judgment on violence, but there are real people out there risking their lives to protect others.

I've already seen a lot of attempts at a theological response to the news of bin Laden's death, and maybe I'm biased, but I think my dad has done the best job so far. Click here to read his blog post, which acknowledges and embraces the tension between being grateful that justice has been done and understanding that a man's death grieves God, even if that man's life grieved God as well.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Finding True North #10: First Day at the Office

I woke up this morning at 7:00 a.m., 30 minutes before my alarm, which wasn't a big deal because I'd gone to bed at 10:00 p.m. the night before. I don't remember the last time I got 9 hours of sleep in a night.

That's beside the point. I'm just really proud of myself for getting some sleep.

My first day at the office started at 9:00 a.m. with morning prayers in the chapel at NUMC. This is a daily thing that the pastoral staff does and which is open to anyone who wants to come. They rotate weekly who leads prayers, and today Brenda led. She read this week's lectionary passage from Acts and then invited us into a period of silence, after which we went through the prayer request cards people had filled out on Sunday. We also took joys and concerns from within the group present and prayed together, closing with a hymn. I'm pretty stoked to be starting my days like this. (Theoretically, that's how my days start at Duke, but those days start at 6:30 a.m., so, yeah.)

I totally overdressed, by the way. I wore an awesome new dress from Anthropologie with a pair of heels that is super cute, but the right shoe squeaks when I walk. I've had them for years, and every time I put them on, I think, "This time it won't squeak." It always squeaks. I need to get rid of them. Anyway, I overshot the office dress code, but I figured it was better to over-dress than to under-dress. Plus, did I mention my new dress is awesome? Because it is.

After prayers, I spent some time talking to Brenda about plans for worship at Lockerbie Central UMC, where I'll spend some time this summer in addition to being at North. They're planning to experiment with a new worship format where they start with a time of prayer and worship, then move into a time of conversation that is structured but not a sermon. I may get to help lead one or two of these sessions, and I'm interested to see how it goes.

By the way, when I walked into Brenda's office, the first things I saw were the guitar and the huge Bose speaker tower. Amazing.

After that, I spent some time in Nancy Fykes' office. Nancy is Kevin's assistant, and her office is where my desk is. She took me on a full tour of the building, got me set up with a computer login, email, calendar and such, plus gave me keys to the building and my registration info for Annual Conference, which is next week. Nancy is on the ball.

For lunch, Kevin took myself and the three Kenya interns (plus Laura Steed, who just graduated from Duke Divinity and is going back to Kenya for 18 months, having spent last summer there) to Patachou (I'm trying to do a better job of logging my restaurant escapades here—I had the Caesar Salad Wrap and their Highlander Grog coffee, per Kevin's recommendation). Not only was lunch delicious, it was fun to hear the other interns (Lindsey Long, Lydia Malone and Camille Glover) talk about their hopes for the summer. I especially liked Lydia's answer to the question about expectations, because she said quite simply that she wanted to learn to love God more. And when they asked me about my hopes for North, I was able to tell them quite honestly that I'm not jealous of the Kenya interns (because I was worried I would be); I already felt really at home at North on Sunday and am so excited about being here for the summer. Sure, I'd love to go to Kenya someday, and I know my beautiful colleagues will meet God there; but my call right now is to meet God in Indianapolis, and I couldn't be happier to be here.

After lunch was my first staff meeting, and it was genuinely fun. We did some get-to-know-you games for the sake of us interns and talked about various upcoming events at the church. The Farmer's Market, which is held in the church parking lot, starts this Thursday, and June 13-15 is Party in the Park, a community outreach festival they started last year (I think). There's plenty else going on, those were just two neat examples. I also got to talk to Brenda and Mark (the music minister) about worship; I'm figuring out Pentecost, and the Sunday after (June 19) I'll be singing a solo in church. They're putting a lot of trust in me, having never heard my voice.

For the remainder of the day, I worked on my calendar and the bulletin for Pentecost. I had to come up with a sermon title, and an off-the-cuff post on Facebook solicited these ideas (titles for a sermon of unknown topic):

  • "Insert Sermon Title Here" (Anna Jensen)
  • "Reading Between the Lines" (inside joke with Kathy Smallridge dating back to high school)
  • "Reading Between the Lions" (Matt Rawle's early Christianity update to the previous suggestion)
  • "Hey Paul! Is That a Thorn in Your Side or Are You Just Happy to See Me?" (Ron Beaton, a fellow 2012 M.Div.)
...and others. Just thought those were amusing. Anyway, I'm bad at coming up with sermon titles, in part because I worry I'll get a great idea on Friday night and have to change my approach, but my sermon is called "The Ultimate Birthday Gift." I told you I'm bad at sermon titles.

Anyway, I came home for a bit after work before going back out to a dinner with the Green Samaritans, an adult group from the church. Kevin had invited me along but had to leave as soon as he got there because his father was just admitted to the hospital (prayers, please). So I ended up having a delightful evening listening to hilarious stories about kayaking mishaps and learning about what plants you can and can't grow in Indianapolis. These people were so friendly, as everyone at the church has been so far, and it was wonderful to get a chance to sit down and talk to folks. They even made up nametags to wear for my sake, which I appreciated. (Note to self: get your hands on a church directory ASAP.) Perhaps the best part was Doris...who will get her own post. For now, I'll just tell you that I've been noticing beautiful textile and multimedia banners and pieces of art around the church, and I had been told the woman who makes them is 93 and has been doing that for North for decades. I got to meet her and learn about her work tonight, and seriously, it merits its own post, but I need to get my hands on some pictures first.

Apparently sunset was at 9:06 p.m. tonight; it was at 8:31 p.m. in Charlotte. Sunrise is closer together though. I hadn't thought about daylight being different here until I talked to my mom around 9:30 and we still had some light. But I digress. My first day at the office was wonderful. Tomorrow will probably involve more work on worship for North and Lockerbie Central; I will also probably attend a meeting of the board of directors of the Global Interfaith Partnership in the afternoon. And I can probably delay my bike ride until after all of that, since apparently it stay light out past 9:00 here. Good night!

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Isenheim Altarpiece

The Isenheim Altarpiece is a 16th-century work of liturgical art painted by Matthias Grünewald. The work is larger than the image I'm posting, but this is the section that interests me most. Karl Barth kept a print of this painting in his office, and he was particularly drawn to John the Baptist's hand. Being so Christocentric in his theology, Barth wanted to embody that finger that points to Christ. My dad gave me a small print like this, and I've placed it in the window above my desk area for the summer. I hope it will be a reminder of the importance of pointing beyond myself to Christ.

Finding True North #9: The Monon

When I was 12, I wrecked my bike. It was my fault, and I unsuccessfully lied about how it happened (I am notoriously bad at lying), so my parents told me that if I wanted to replace my bike, I'd have to pay for it myself. At 12, I didn't exactly have the money for a new bike, so I just went without one until the summer before my senior year of college. I went to Back Alley Bikes in Chapel Hill and brought home a Schwinn that had been fixed up and was a slightly unpleasant dark pink color. Her name is PB&J, which stands for Pepto Bismol and Joy. I quickly fell in love with the American Tobacco Trail, a rails-to-trails project in Durham.

Needless to say, I was thrilled to learn that Indianapolis has several such trails, the main one being the Monon. I decided to explore it today, and I ended up biking for an hour and 45 minutes. I went a little further than I intended/realized and ended up in Carmel, a suburb just north of Indy. The trail provided a pretty interesting cross-section of the city (which, thankfully for my abysmal sense of direction, is a grid).

I started in the middle of this first map, by Broad Ripple near the Indianapolis Art Center. This trail entrance is really near the house where I'm staying—it only took a few minutes to get to the trail. I crossed the White River and Williams Creek as well as the Indiana School for the Blind. I ogled the loft apartments springing up along the Monon as I went.

Of course, where the map ends is not where I stopped. Here's another map to show where I kept going into Carmel. You see how the first map ends at 96th Street? That's where this one picks up. And can you make out the uppermost horizontal line on this second map? That's 146th Street, where I finally turned around. Whew. Oh and Carmel has this massive new community center (Monon Community Center) right on the trail, complete with a performing arts center, civic center and water park (which just opened this past Saturday). Wow.

Probably the best thing about the ride was the middle aged couple I met when I stopped to drink some water and study a trail map during my first leg of the ride. They asked for me to take their picture, then we started chatting. Their names are Barb and Ken ("Barbie and Ken," they joked) and they're from the south side of town. I had been basically ordered to go north on the Monon, and I had no intention of obeying that directive forever, so I saw this as an easy opportunity to ask about the south half of the Indy Monon. Barb and Ken assured me it was safe, plus there is apparently a really beautiful trail that breaks off from it further down. I'm interested to learn more about what parts of the city are considered "good" or "bad"—apparently NUMC is on the cusp of both. Barb's brief assessment was that the south side of town is more laid back and less economically advantaged. Anyway, they learned I was in seminary and welcomed me to the city, and Barb said she would pray for me. Amazing. This place gets better every day.

When I started out this morning, I was feeling ambitious and thought I could tackle the entire trail today. But I haven't exercised in a while, and as the morning went on, it got hotter and more crowded (thanks, Memorial Day holiday). I can already tell that my legs are going to be really sore tomorrow. But the next time I bike, I'm going to take the Monon south and see what I can find.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Finding True North #8: My First Sunday

This morning, I went to church at North UMC for the first time. And by "went to church," I do mean that I put on my new alb, sat up front with the clergy, and read Scripture in service. Nothing like being thrown in head first.

I love this church. Worship was awesome. The choir (under the direction of Mark Gilgallon) sounded great, and the organist (Martin Ellis) is fantastic. The choir did an introit and two anthems—and people responded with "Amen"s both to the choir and to the organ. Someone told me after service that I seemed so relaxed reading Scripture, and I think it's because although North's worship is highly liturgical, the atmosphere is...well, relaxed. I didn't feel intimidated or nervous, even in such a big, pseudo-gothic space (I'll take pictures soon).

The pastoral team is great. Kevin Armstrong is the senior pastor; Brenda Freije is the new Associate Pastor of Discipleship and Formation; and Brian Williams is the Pastor of Mission and Outreach. Before services, I convened with the 3 of them in the sacristy...which they refer to as "the batcave." It is clear that this church fosters a sense of camaraderie within the pastoral team, and it was just plain fun to be with them. Everyone has been so hospitable to me already—Teri Crouse is another intern (she goes to Christian Theological Seminary here in Indy) and was so helpful in getting me ready for the service. I'm looking forward to working with them all as the summer progresses.

After both services, I stood in the lobby with the 3 Kenya interns (the Duke students who do field ed in Kenya spend time at North before and after their trip to Africa) to meet and greet. The church members are incredibly friendly and welcoming. Everyone I met seemed genuinely glad for me to be there. I already got recruited to play on the softball team, to go to the symphony, and to sing a solo in church. I was also struck by the diversity within the congregation; it is a predominantly white church, but I met a number of African and African-American members. Also, I need to check my facts on this, but I believe that North is a reconciling church, if not officially then at least functionally. Members had nametags, and on many of them I spotted stickers with the Reconciling Ministries Network logo. There is diversity evident in a lot of different ways, and I'll be interested to explore the dynamics of that within the church further.

I'm running out of brain power at the moment—after church, I went to lunch with the Kenya interns and one of their hosts, then I came back, finished reading a book, drafted my Pentecost sermon, and did various things until some of Barbara's neighbors came over for dinner, and they left a little after 9, so...I'm wiped. Tomorrow, I don't have to work, so I'm hoping to explore the Monon Trail, a rails-to-trails greenway that runs through the city (and on which I could theoretically bike to work if it's not too hot). On Tuesday, I'll get to attend my first staff meeting, and I can't wait.

What I'm Reading #24: The Evangelistic Love of God and Neighbor (Scott Jones)

The Evangelistic Love of God and Neighbor: A Theology of Witness and Discipleship, by Scott J. Jones

I admittedly read The Evangelistic Love of God and Neighbor (Abingdon Press 2003) pretty quickly; this is one of the texts for my evangelism directed study, and I need to get a few more books read and move toward writing my first paper. But I did enjoy it and commend it as a helpful exploration of love of God and neighbor as the governing standard for evangelism. This book is especially applicable for parish ministry, particularly in a United Methodist setting, as that is its audience.

Jones begins chapter one thus: "To evangelize non-Christian persons without loving them fully is not to evangelize them well. To love non-Christian persons without evangelizing them is not to love them well. Loving God well means loving one's non-Christian neighbor evangelistically and evangelizing one's non-Christian neighbor lovingly." Love is the source and rule of evangelism. This is not a general, sweeping, vague love but a concrete, contextualized, Biblical love. Jones stresses the importance of relationships, not simply as means to an end but as genuine meeting places where God's love is shared.

Jones wrestles throughout the book with varying definitions of evangelism. He notes the danger of seeing evangelism too narrowly, in the sense that its goal is conversion and its activity ends there. He works from a definition set forth by William Abraham and expands it thus: evangelism is "that set of loving, intentional activities governed by the goal of initiating persons into Christian discipleship in response to the reign of God." For Jones, evangelism and discipleship cannot be separate. He draws on the commission text found in Matthew's gospel: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19).

Although I could have stood for a tighter structure in the book overall, I would recommend it for its accessibility and relevance. Particularly useful is the appendix, which includes a list of misconceptions about evangelism and 20 components of an evangelistic congregation.


Favorite Quotations

"The triune God is the primary agent in evangelism. Human agents play an important, but secondary role."

"[W]hatever privileged position we understand the church to hold in God's mission, it is highly presumptuous to suppose that God is not at work outside the church."

"It is not the aim of Christian evangelism to convert people. Rather, the aim of evangelism is to make disciples of Jesus Christ, and conversion is one part of that process."

"All Christians are called to bear witness in all places because Christ died for all persons."

"[L]ove is the chief criterion for the adequacy of evangelism."

"[T]o feed someone without inviting them to become a Christian is to fail to love them fully. Conversely, to invite someone into Christian discipleship without attending to their social, political, and physical needs is to fail to love them fully."

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Finding True North #7: Sadie

This afternoon, I took a nap. This was curled up first at my feet during and then in my arms after as she licked me awake:


Meet Sadie. I couldn't get a very good picture because she's never still (her tail at least is always moving). This is the dog that belongs to Babara, my awesome host here in Indianapolis. She thinks Sadie's an affenpinscher mix, and Sadie is super sweet. I'm grateful to have some furry, enthusiastic, uncomplicated love in the house this summer.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Finding True North #6: Getting There

I am now in Indianapolis! I started out around 9:30 a.m. and got here at about 8:00 p.m. after stops for bathroom breaks, gas, trying not to fall asleep, and getting cash for stupid toll roads in West Virginia. The map I posted was NOT the way my GPS took me.

I started in North Carolina.









I then drove through Virginia.









Then I spent a while in West Virginia, where I saw beautiful mountains except that there was an intense thunderstorm blocking my view.










Then suddenly I was in Kentucky! I had never been to Kentucky. It was very...Kentucky-ish.








I did not realize I was in Ohio until I came upon this crazy looking city on a river. I was very confused until I saw a sign for Cincinnati. (Also never been to Ohio. Could you guess?)











Finally, I crossed over into Indiana, and things flattened out considerably. Because Indiana is flat.













Now I am taking a breather before unpacking a few small things at the house where I'm staying. A church member is hosting me for the summer, and she is great. She immediately took me to her favorite restaurant, where I had delicious chipotle fish tacos. She also has a very cute dog named Sadie. And I have the run of her basement for the summer. And we drove past Peyton Manning's house.

Also, I passed the church on the way into town, and it is beautiful. I am a sucker for this kind of architecture—probably my favorite course in undergrad was an art history class on Gothic cathedrals.


Tomorrow I plan to unpack more fully, prep for liturgizing on Sunday, and maybe go explore on my bike a bit. My host showed me a bike trail in Broad Ripple that looks awesome and is close by.

Cannot contain my excitement. :)

Who Goes to Heaven?

I mentioned this program in my post about Rob Bell's book Love Wins. This was a dialogue at Myers Park UMC about the afterlife, heaven, hell, sin, redemption, etc. Parts 1 and 2 are below.



Thursday, May 26, 2011

Finding True North #5: A New Adventure

I am ready for my adventure to the north. My bags are packed, I'm stocked up on snacks and audiobooks, I gave my pet mice to the animal shelter yesterday, and last night my boyfriend of 2+ years and I broke up.

Not to equate all of those, of course. I'm being facetious. That last bit came after lots of prayer and discernment was the most mutual, amicable, fun and respectful breakup ever. Although there is definitely sadness involved, Gary and I hope to remain friends. If you're going "Whaaaaat??" because you're one of those people who has asked us recently when we're getting married (no offense, but that was getting super awkward), I've re-posted on Facebook a beautiful note Gary wrote explaining our decision and thanking everyone for their support.

So, I start out this summer experiencing loss on the one hand but freedom on the other. Our decision to separate was based largely on vocational discernment, and while there was a time when we thought our callings were more compatible, we realized our relationship wasn't giving either of us the space we needed to pursue God's will for our lives. So you see—"finding true north" has many layers for me. Like an onion. Or an ogre.

So, this onion-y, ogre-y princess ("princess" is the Hebrew meaning of my name, שרה) is hitting the road in the morning. Here's the route I'll take tomorrow (10 hours of driving plus stops):

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What I'm Reading #23: Love Wins (Rob Bell)

Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived by Rob Bell

Just the controversy surrounding Love Wins (HarperOne 2011) made me both want to read it and not want to read it. I compromised by listening to it on audiobook.

I am irritated by the controversy connected to Bell's book, partly because it feels like a manufactured marketing gimmick and partly because I enjoyed the book but now worry about being judged by my more intellectual friends for liking it. But the verdict is in: I very much like this book and appreciate how Bell has repackaged centuries of orthodox Christian thinking in an accessible, understandable format.

Because nothing Bell says is new, and he himself acknowledges that. He freely admits in the introduction that he isn't saying anything that hasn't been said before. Part of why some of his statements seem radical to certain branches of Christianity is that we don't care about history.

Anyway, the criticism of Bell departing from the Bible is garbage, because this book is profoundly biblical. Bell reframes the thoughts of past theologians like Origen and Gregory in a way that is both theological and pastoral, laying bare the frightening implications of much common thought about heaven and hell.

Bell tackles the individualistic nature of much thinking around salvation and belief, using scripture to broaden the discussion in terms of communities and the redemption of all creation rather than the reward or punishment of individual people based on their faith. At the end, he did something that I appreciated in talking about the difference between exclusivity (where a select few are saved and everyone else goes to eternal punishment) and inclusivity (where everyone is saved regardless). He suggested the existence of an exclusivity beyond inclusivity, one where Jesus "is as narrow as himself and as wide as the universe." Widening the scope of our understanding does not mean diluting the centrality of Jesus' person; in fact, it makes our imagination of him more true to who we know God to be.

While I was in the middle of listening to this book, I went home for a short visit and attended a program at Myers Park United Methodist Church on heaven and hell. Great timing. Four of the pastors at the church (my dad included) reflected upon and then fielded questions on the nature of the afterlife, salvation, etc. Bell's book got some airtime, but all of these pastors are Duke Divinity graduates, so they were more likely to talk about Bell's ancient sources than Love Wins. I appreciated how this program attempted to widen the discussion about heaven and hell while keeping it firmly grounded in the reality of Jesus Christ, something I think Bell also tried to do. If you're interested, you can listen to the conversation here.

Perhaps the best part of the program at MPUMC was when a little girl asked this question: "Does God still love us if we're in..." and pointed down, unable to say the word "hell." The answer, of course, was absolutely yes. So yes, Rob Bell. Love does, in fact, win.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Finding True North #4: Conference Calls and Being a Real Adult

I am a real adult. I pay my own rent, utilities, gas and food. Sure, I'm still on my parents' cell phone plan and the family car insurance, but whatever. I am a real adult. I am a part of conference calls with people in 3 different states planning events. Sure, I dialed in 5 minutes early because I was nervous and worried I couldn't access the call, and I spent most of the conversation sitting at a gas station just over the South Carolina border from Charlotte not contributing anything and doing things like accidentally turning on my stereo so I freaked out the rest of the group when Rob Bell's voice boomed out of the speakers, but whatever. I am a real adult.

It did feel kinda cool to be on a conference call. Here's a little background to explain what that was about and what it has to do with field ed: Marcia McFee is a professional worship designer who plans and leads worship for all kinds of events, including several Methodist annual conferences each summer and, in 2008, General Conference. I emailed her a while ago about shadowing her sometime, and whaddaya know, she's leading worship for the 2011 Indiana Annual Conference in a few weeks, so I'm going to be her student intern (read: coffee and bagels girl). This morning, she invited me to join a call with the folks involved in planning conference events. Having had no information ahead of time, I was just there to listen.

But I am excited about the opportunity to shadow Dr. McFee at conference. I'm going to be doing a ton of worship arts stuff with Brenda at NUMC over the summer, but this will be something a little different. McFee literally travels all over the country doing large-scale, visually-oriented, liturgically-focused worship design. I may never employ the level of performance and staging she does, because I suspect it wouldn't suit most local churches, but I am in sponge mode right now and am taking every possible opportunity to learn about worship, and I can't help but see God's providence in my placement at a church that was going to take me to Indiana AC anyway when it turned out McFee, who I'd emailed with for some time, would be there. Thanks, Jesus.

I have to laugh at myself for being on #4 in this blog series when I'm not even in Indy yet. Friday's coming, though. I can't wait.

What I'm Reading #22: Bossypants (Tina Fey)

Bossypants, by Tina Fey

I did the math: between last Monday, May 16 and this Friday, May 27, I will have driven about 35 hours. From Durham to Charlotte, Charlotte to Charleston, Charleston to Durham, Durham to Savannah, Savannah to Charlotte, Charlotte to Durham, and Durham to Indianapolis. Audiobooks have been and will be my saving grace.

Bossypants (Reagan Arthur Books 2011) was a super fun audiobook because it was entertaining in its own right, and hearing Tina Fey read it herself just multiplied the hilarity. I love Tina Fey; I think she's brilliant and funny, and this book was not only entertaining, it had some pretty interesting things to say.

First, she told about an experience of asking a group of women when they first knew that they were a woman (i.e. not just a girl, but a grown woman). She found that almost all of the responses involved men doing something nasty to them, usually yelling things from cars. How sad is it that? Women of the world: your womanhood is about WAY more than whether men will catcall when you walk by.

Fey also told of her experience as a teenager working at a local theater for two summers. In the first summer, she became good friends with a number of gay men, and by the end of that summer was willing to defend homosexuality to anyone who condemned it. But by part of the way through the second summer, she realized that she was unwittingly using those friends for how fun they were and for how she could tell them all her problems without dealing with theirs because they were still half-closeted. This is the quote that hit home and made me examine myself: "Gay people were made that way by God, but not solely for (my) entertainment. We can't expect our gay friends to always be single, celibate, and arriving early with the nacho fixin's. And we really need to let these people get married already."

There was also a point in the book where I thought of Sam Wells, the Dean of Duke Chapel. Bear with me. Fey's background is in improv, and in Bossypants she takes time to discuss the rules of improv as the rules of life. First off, improv is not a solo thing but requires at least one other person. Anyway, here are the basic rules:

  1. Start with "Yes"; always agree with your partner.
  2. Then say "Yes, and..."; add something to what your partner has done.
  3. Make statements; asking questions just puts it back on your partner to move the action.
  4. There are no mistakes, only opportunities.
Hint: Dean Wells wrote a whole book called Improvisation that uses the rules of improv (not these exactly, but similar) to talk about Christian ethics. Rule #2 is what Wells calls "overaccepting." I admit with great embarrassment that I have not yet read his book, but I intend to do so this summer, and then I'll probably have more to say about it, but still, it's cool.

I have a lot more to say, but then this post would get way too long (it probably already is) and you wouldn't need to read the book. I'll close by saying a little more about gender issues that Fey addresses. She talks about how while some thought women like J-Lo and Beyonce liberated women from some normative body image, they actually just added on to the impossible laundry list of desirable features, or things for a woman to hate about her body. She talks about how she gets asked, "Is it weird for you to be the boss of all these people?", something no one would ever think to ask a man in her position. She also talks about the hazard of being a woman who speaks her mind, and I thought of my ethics professor Amy Laura Hall when Fey said this (I feel like a chicken for editing out the expletive, because honestly, I don't care, but if Stanley Hauerwas has stopped using the f-word, maybe I should avoid it too): "Women, at least in comedy, are labeled 'crazy' after a certain age...I have a suspicion that the definition of 'crazy' in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to [have sex with] her anymore."

Of course, Fey had to talk about her gig as Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. It was interesting to hear about the process of her coming to do that when she was no longer on SNL at the time, even more interesting to hear about reactions to her character and how she handled those. She talked about how she did get a lot of criticism for her portrayal of Palin (which, by the way, I think was brilliant), usually for being too harsh on the vice presidential candidate at the time. Fey points out that plenty of her male colleagues have made much nastier jokes about male politicians, and if they are criticized, it's not in the same way. Here's what she concluded: people saw her (Fey) as a bitch, and they saw Palin as fragile. Both of these caricatures are profoundly genderized in problematic ways on both ends. Why can a man and a woman make the same kind of joke, and the man's funny but the woman's a bitch? Why would a male politician being mocked probably be ignored or told to (*cough*) "man up," while a woman who is satirized draws protective concern from supporters? These observations and more are why Fey's book was both highly amusing and very thought provoking. And now I will leave you with a hilarious video clip of Fey as Palin and Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton, because it is still funny.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Finding True North #3: T-Minus One Week

A week from tomorrow, I am driving to Indianapolis, IN from Durham, NC. (Must find audio books or figure out how to make my Kindle read to me through my car stereo.) A week from Sunday, I will be in worship at North UMC for the first time, and apparently I'll be serving as the liturgist! I originally thought I would get a Sunday to be in the congregation and feel things out, but there's logic to the change: I'm preaching on Pentecost, which is June 12, which is my 3rd Sunday at North. I had not done that math. Yikes. In any case, June 5 is Youth Sunday, so May 29 is my only opportunity to speak in front of the congregation before I, you know, exhort them or whatever. Double yikes.

After learning that, I did something I'd been working on since orientation but hadn't really felt pressed to get done: I ordered an alb (my favorite part of the Wikipedia definition of them term is the adjective "ample"). NUMC has graciously offered to buy me an alb, a wonderful gift, and so, behold the goofy alb model from CM Almy. I'd be interested to hear which of you (assuming people read this, woooo) are accustomed to seeing albs/robes in your churches, which of you aren't, and particularly what you think the impact of vestments is on conceptions of authority, leadership, etc. I may offer more thoughts later, though I'm going to hold off, partly because some of my reflections on leadership and dress has gender qualifications that I find super irritating but have to deal with, just not right now.

What I'm Reading #21: The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)

The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins

Since a theme of late seems to be me reading in mediums other than physical books, let me just say that I "read" The Hunger Games (Scholastic Press 2010) as an audio book while driving to and from Charleston this week. My boyfriend reads comic books voraciously; "real" books, not as often, but this series hooked him. He explained to me excitedly that the trilogy told the story of a post-apocalyptic society where 12 districts were controlled by the Capital, and each year two children are randomly selected from each district to fight to the death in an elaborate, televised, weeks-long battle. I was skeptical, but a combination of his ravings about the book and an article about/interview with Collins in The New York Times Magazine piqued my interest almost but not quite enough to read it, and a road trip closed the gap.

Caution: this book is violent. Viscerally, graphically violent. The idea of a tween or teen reading this book makes me nervous. On the other hand, Collins claims in her interview that part of the point is to make violence real for kids who probably grew up playing violent video games and for whom violence involves animated blood that dramatically splatters on the screen and then disappears.

On that note, there are 2 things I appreciated about this book, one general and one specific. Both have to do with reflecting critically on how we become spectators to violence. The general observation came first from Gary before I read the first book. As you watch characters as young as 12 being forced to battle to the death while being deprived of food, water and safety, you find yourself reacting with anger toward the Capital—for devising such a cruel sport, even more so for enjoying it, for watching and betting on the bloody deaths of teenagers. But, at some point during the Games, you realize that you're watching, too. You want to know who's going to die next. You are participating in the very spectatorship that you despised.

The more specific observation is related. A short flashback in the book describes how Katniss, the main character, one day was surprised in the woods by a girl and a boy, both obviously fleeing from danger. The fugitives cried out for help, but Katniss and her friend Gale do nothing, and the pair is captured as they watch. In reflecting on this memory when she later comes in contact with that girl, Katniss recalls that the experience was almost like watching the Hunger Games. I latched onto that: watching violence from afar, violence that you are neither expected nor able to do anything about, cripples your ability to do anything about real violence when it occurs. The bystander effect is compounded when the bystanders are conditioned to embrace and believe the role of spectator or vicarious participant, never given the option of intervening.

My friends and colleagues (one of whom was my professor for Christian ethics this past semester) Kara Slade and Amy Laura Hall are currently editing an article for The Other Journal on the books, and on young adult dystopian fiction more broadly. Kara was kind enough to share the draft with me, and I'll post the link in this post once it's public. Both of these incredible women point out the deeply problematic issues of horizontal competition (literally to the death) and spectating/participating in violence. These two are smarter than I and I agree with their assessment, but I think I would bring my reaction and theirs together by saying this: don't let your teenager, or any teenager you know, read this without a conversation partner. There's some pretty interesting stuff in The Hunger Games that I found a helpful, critical mirror to our society, but I don't know that I would have understood anything more than the competition and violence had I read this at 13.

Monday, May 16, 2011

What I'm Reading #20: The Imitation of Christ (Thomas à Kempis)

The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas à Kempis

Generally I blog about books after I've finished reading them, but I'm not far into The Imitation of Christ (my edition: Dover Publications 2003) and Thomas à Kempis is already kicking my spiritual butt (in a good way). This Christian classic was written in the 15th century, and I finally picked it up after stumbling across my roommate's copy and discovering later that yes, there is a Kindle edition—several, actually. I'm using the translation by Aloysius Croft and Harold Bolton, a more accessible translation, though some of the older versions preserve a poetic format that is really beautiful.

I've decided to use this book as a devotional aid over the summer, and I think the timing is, well, divine. The very first meditation is about avoiding pride in learning, and Lord knows (literally) that's something I need to hear. This summer I'm hopefully going to get to do some creative things and will probably be tempted to feel prideful, so I'm counting on Thomas (along with other people who are, you know, living) to help curb that temptation.

Like I said, I'm not far into this book, but I have already been blessed by its richness and simplicity. Already I would recommend it to anyone, but especially to students, ministers, or anyone in a role of spiritual leadership.


Favorite Quotations

"I would rather feel contrition than know how to define it."

"The more you know and the better you understand, the more severely will you be judged, unless your life is also the more holy. Do not be proud, therefore, because of your learning or skill. Rather, fear because of the talent given you."

"If men used as much care in uprooting vices and implanting virtues as they do in discussing problems, there would not be so much evil and scandal in the world."

"On the day of judgment, surely, we shall not be asked what we have read but what we have done; not how well we have spoken but how well we have lived."

"True peace of heart, then, is found in resisting passions, not in satisfying them."

"Do not be self-sufficient but place your trust in God."

"If there is good in you, see more good in others, so that you may remain humble."

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Finding True North #2: Beating the Metaphor to Death

In my post about field ed orientation, I explained where my blog series title "Finding True North" came from. I realize that it is cheesy, but on thinking about it, I'm going to be taking it to heart pretty hardcore this summer, especially as a theme of seeking vocational direction and discernment around school, relationships, and life after seminary. Maybe "Finding True North" is hokey—but I mean it.

And, just to beat the metaphor to death—I am someone who collects trinkets, keepsakes, any physical symbols of ideas and experiences meaningful to me. I wanted something I could hold or wear to keep me mindful of my discerning posture over the summer, so I went hunting on Etsy (a super fun website for handmade and niche gifts, FYI). The locket you see in this picture is being shipped to me today. Obviously it's a compass, which opens up (who doesn't love lockets?!). From the standpoint of the artist, the bird is purely ornamental, but I (unsurprisingly) identified it immediately as the Holy Spirit. I will wear this necklace over the summer as a reminder of and a prayer for my pursuit of direction, ever oriented toward God's call and guided by the Spirit.

Here's one of my favorite prayers, written by Thomas Merton. I actually adapted the lyrics and set it to music—it's still in progress, but maybe I'll record it soon. Here's my prayer for this summer (and, you know, life in general):

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Amen.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

What I'm Reading #19: Live to Tell (Brad Kallenberg)

Live to Tell: Evangelism for a Postmodern Age, by Brad J. Kallenberg

Live to Tell (Brazos 2002) is the first book we read for the directed study I'm doing this summer on evangelism. It's awesome, and I'll be using it a lot to frame my thinking and writing on the subject.

A little background: I have only recently been able to draw the distinction between evangelism (which the Great Commission demands) and Evangelicalism (which implies an ideological/political agenda). I spent my freshman year of undergrad referring to it only as "the E-word." For a long time, I associated evangelism with theology that would deny me my calling to the ministry because I'm a woman, with methodology that felt like cultural imperialism. Those issues and more are certainly part of the conversation, but I'm learning not to let those associations color my understanding of the call to witness as much as they have in the past.

Anyway. Kallenberg's book is great for framing a theological-philosophical approach to contextual evangelism. He pairs philosophy and theory with case studies to unpack the issues surrounding the question of how to share the Gospel in a world that is increasingly postmodern and post-Christian. Once, biblical literacy was widespread in America, and the moral authority of Scripture and the church could be assumed; neither is a given today. As the culture changes, our understanding of and approach to evangelism must change too.

Here are a few points Kallenberg makes that I appreciate:

  • Belief is not just individual but communal.
  • Sharing the Gospel requires not only translation but the teaching of a new language.
  • Narrative is central to evangelism, belief and discipleship.
  • Evangelism and discipleship cannot be separated.
  • Conversion is time intensive and requires a paradigm shift.
  • Conversion is less about intellectual assent than the participation in communal practices.
Kallenberg's academic influences are what my professor called "canonical" to Duke Divinity School—thinkers like Stanley Hauerwas and Alastair MacIntyre. Kallenberg outlines and then challenges the assumptions of modernity (reductionism, individualism, representationalism and propositionalism), advocating a move beyond these to embrace a holistic, embodied approach to the theology of evangelism.

I'm still thinking through the implications of Kallenberg's book, so I'll stop there and leave you with some some of his own words.


Favorite Quotations

"God's dealings with us are narratively shaped rather than theoretically driven. In other words, God sent us a gospel rather than a philosophical treatise!"

"[O]ne cannot properly read the Bible until the biblical text ceases to become the object that one views and becomes, instead, the lens itself through which one sees."

"[O]ur postmodern era reveals conversion to be a time-consuming—and time-redeeming—process."

"Salvation may be more than adoption and socialization into this new family's radical way of life, but it is certainly not less."

"Our words only have meaning insofar as we are engaged in doings."

"[We must] expand our notion of conversion from assent to a set of propositions to fluency that engages one in a form of life."

"If conservatives err by using Scripture as magic, liberals err by not taking the power of the Scripture seriously enough."

"[O]ur fascination with objective truths can sometimes obscure the more urgent issue of how we stand toward such truths."

"[A]nything worth doing is worth doing badly—until one can do it better."

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Finding True North #1: Orientation (or, I'm Really Excited for this Summer)

Last summer, I blogged about my experience serving as a field education intern at Hill's Chapel UMC in Stanley, NC. I've decided to do something similar this year as I venture to Indianapolis to work and learn in the community at North UMC. In the future, use this link to filter out just my blogs about being in Indy.

I've decided on the (maybe?) clever series title "Finding True North." I might wake up tomorrow and decide it's cheesy, but this struck me as appropriate for several reasons: (1) The church I will be serving is named North United Methodist Church, and I will be getting to know the congregation and seeking truth alongside and among them this summer; (2) I am, quite literally, going north—I've lived in the south all my life and will probably take a few gallons of sweet tea with me; and (3) The idiom "finding true north" has to do with getting your bearings in relationship to the north star, which never changes, and this summer for me is all about vocational discernment—that is, getting my bearings calling-wise in relation to God's steady love and the firm foundation that is the Gospel.

That having been said, I am SUPER excited about this summer. Yesterday and today we had field ed orientation at Duke Divinity School, so I got to meet my supervisors and learn more about the many, many amazing things I might get to do this summer, time and God permitting. Last night, I had the pleasure of meeting Brenda Freije, Associate Pastor of Discipleship and Formation, with whom I will probably be working a great deal. Brenda does a lot with worship and the arts, some at North and some at Lockerbie Central UMC, which runs Earth House, a coffeehouse and arts collective. Today we both caught up with Kevin Armstrong, the senior pastor at North, with whom I will also spend time in ministry. They joked that Brenda will do the fun stuff while Kevin will do the serious stuff—but I have a hunch it will all be fun.

One thing we have to do in a field ed placement is to create, commit to and fulfill what is called a Learning-Serving Covenant. The idea of this document is to set goals—some very practical, like when your day off is, when you can meet regularly with your supervisor, and others more along the lines of setting ministry and vocational goals—and to refer back to the covenant over the course of the 10-week assignment to see how things are going. They give us until a few weeks into our placement to turn it in so that we can get a handle on how things will go before we commit to such a thing, but Brenda and I sat down and went ahead and outlined a few general goals that we can frame more practically once I'm up there. I'd like to share a few of those because I am just SO excited about this.

  1. Worship planning and design is my current obsession and will be a big thing for me this summer. I'm already planning to follow Marcia McFee around at the Indiana Annual Conference. Brenda does a lot with worship arts both at North and at Lockerbie Central, so there will be plenty of opportunities for me to observe and perhaps contribute to creativity in liturgy and worship. North's Sunday morning worship is traditional in style but apparently has a great deal of space for creativity within that structure. Lockerbie Central's Sunday evening service is emergent (not contemporary), observes weekly Eucharist, and oftentimes conversation is substituted for preaching (this is a small group of young people). I already know that I will be preaching on Pentecost and am very much looking forward to that and to learning all I can from Brenda and the rest of the staff and laity at North.
  2. Hospitality, Evangelism and Membership is the name of North's current group that might also be called a welcoming or outreach committee. Right now, the team is in the process of re-tooling the vision and giving that ministry more direction, tools and a philosophy. That's at North; at Earth House and Lockerbie Central, the congregation is all young people, and the coffeehouse is intentionally low-key on evangelism because many of its constituents have been burned by the church or are anti-establishment. Apparently there is ongoing discernment about how to be a faithful witness to the Gospel without making it a bait-and-switch situation. Interestingly enough, I'll be working on a directed study in evangelism this summer, and our coursework is open to being determined by our interests, so I'm hoping to draw on my experience at North and Lockerbie Central to inform what I'm doing on that end. Brenda was interested to see what sort of things we'll be reading for the class since both churches are working toward a clearer philosophy of evangelism, so I may even be able to contribute to that effort in a way.
  3. Pastoral care is an area where I know I could use some work, so I was happy to hear from last year's intern at North that Rick Pickering, the Pastor for Care and Nurture, is a superb person to follow on pastoral visits. I am mildly terrified of hospitals and nursing homes, so observing someone like Rick will, I hope, help me overcome that obstacle to my future ministry, because that's what it is.
  4. A website re-launch/re-vamp is in the works. I'm a fan of technology and have dabbled in web design, and I'm particularly interested in observing how North works out the theology surrounding storytelling via its website.
  5. Mission and outreach seems to be central to North's self-identity, with a plethora of ministries both at home and abroad functioning at all times. I look forward to participating in as many of these programs as I can, especially Bread and Bowl, a soup kitchen that operates out of North three days a week. Side note: North, along with other partner churches, does a lot of work in Kenya, and the students from Duke who will be serving in Kenya will spend a few days in Indy at the beginning of the summer and then about a week and a half there at the end. It'll be fun to have them there and to hear about their experiences.
This blog post is entirely too long (unless you read my classmate Tom Lewis' blog) (which you should if you can find the time), so I'll end it there, but suffice to say I am thrilled about all the opportunities before me this summer. There is too much to do, and that's a good problem to have. Please be in prayer for me as God prepares me for this adventure and as I serve and learn in Indianapolis.

Friday, May 6, 2011

I Am a Person of Worth...Even without a Ph.D.


I've realized something recently. Sometimes when I think about my future, especially in terms of what other degree(s) I could get beyond an M.Div., my perceived self-worth is in the balance.

What's worse is that I (unconsciously and against my will) nuance it by assigning values to different post-master's options. I do not do this in a vacuum, but at heavy suggestion from institutions, especially my own beloved Duke University. A Ph.D. is best, a Th.D. almost as good, a Th.M. is OK but probably no one cares, and I've actually listened to people I respect openly mock the D.Min.—and I've internalized that. I want to shake my fist at the academic elitism that has always been on the fringe of my consciousness and has affected me more deeply than I probably realize.

It's funny, because as I look at such degree programs, I realize that the only one that is basically off the table for me is the Ph.D. I don't want to teach at a university, and it'd take a really compelling argument and the perfect program for me to pursue that. Besides, I have decent grades but not straight A's or theologically trendy research interests, and without those things, I doubt anyone will take an interest in me in that respect. (This is not me hating on Ph.D.'s. My dad has one. I have friends pursuing doctoral work. I'm very glad there are people who feel called to teach in higher education. I'm often jealous of them. It's just not for me, not in that focused a way.)

A Th.D. or D.Min. would be far better suited for me. At this point, I feel strongly called to parish ministry—whether in a traditional pastoral role or doing something a little out of the box, I'm not sure, but any degree would have to serve that ministerial end. The Th.D. and D.Min. programs I've looked at provide some incredible avenues for bringing together theological exploration and contextual ministry.

And then there's the part of me that often thinks I'm simply not called to go beyond my master's degree. And that scares me. Why is that? Well, I want to write, I want to be engaged in theological conversation, and I fear not being taken seriously because I lack the "Dr." in front of my name. I fear not being considered special. I fear being just another pastor.

That's downright prideful. I'm cringing just reading those last two sentences. But I seriously struggle with this. I don't think about it consciously until I, you know, think about it consciously. But there is a part of me that wonders if people will be disappointed in me if I don't continue my education—or, worse, that no one will care or notice if I don't. I honestly sometimes have to remind myself that I am a person of worth no matter what degrees I have to my name.

It's easy enough to figure out where this comes from. I grew up in a high-achieving family and started doing well in school early on. I was placed in classes two years ahead of my grade level with all the other high-achieving kids starting in middle school. I went to Duke and finished a semester early. A lifetime of encouragement and praise has left me terrified I won't live up to it all.

I can blame a classmate of mine for sending my brain down this road. The other day, here's what she posted as her Facebook status:

I have to repent. I repent of wanting good grades. I repent of wanting human recognition and human love. I repent of wanting something that is "mine". I'm not going to finish a program in the Divinity School and refuse to die to self at the last. Someone else may have it -- all of it: prizes, accolades, proud parents, loving spouses, happy families. I renounce any claim, any stake in this world.

I think I need to print that out and read it aloud every morning. My anxiety about my academic future is based completely in fear and pride. I rebuke that. I rebuke my greedy desires for achievement and recognition. Even if I am called to pursue a doctorate, the only way I can do so with any vocational integrity is to get to the point where I no longer need it for myself.

Lord, lead me. If your plans for me include more school, I'll put in the work necessary. If May 2012 marks the end of my academic career (though never my learning journey), so be it. Remind me that I am your child, and no degree or accolade could ever merit or compare to the assurance of your embrace.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Spirit Hymn

I've mentioned before that I'm interested in hymn writing. I've also blogged about the course I took this past semester on the Holy Spirit. Well, here those topics converge. While working on a paper about Eugene Rogers' book After the Spirit (which, you guessed it, I blogged about too), I got sidetracked and ended up writing a hymn to the Holy Spirit, using language we'd learned throughout the class and imagery drawing on Rogers' writing. Today, with my boyfriend's help, I recorded what is unimaginatively entitled "Spirit Hymn." (Hey, until about 10 minutes ago it was just called "Spirit.") Take a listen and check out the lyrics.

Spirit Hymn by sarahhowellmusic

Spirit, unify us by your love
Spirit, draw us in your life above
Pour yourself upon our hearts
Through your grace which abounds
You are gift and you are giver, you surround
Spirit

Spirit, open out our hearts to you
Spirit, make our sweet communion true
Give us strength to overcome
All the bound’ries in place
Open us to see God’s image on each face
Spirit

Spirit, comfort us in suffering
Spirit, to the body help us cling
Make us see upon the cross
Christ whose wounds are the balm
Hold us safe within the Savior’s nail-scarred palm
Spirit

Spirit, prophet and redeeming one
Spirit, with the Father and the Son
Let us live into your love
As partakers of God
Help us witness to your glory shed abroad
Spirit

Monday, May 2, 2011

Joining the Fray

I woke up this morning and got on Facebook, where I was immediately met with confusion. A typo led me to believe for a moment that the president was dead—but then I scrolled through a few more status updates and finally figured out that it was Osama bin Laden who had been killed. That's what I get for not having a TV or checking news online at night.

I saw several posts from classmates, many of them either quoting or echoing Proverbs 24:17, "Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice." But then I saw a post from a friend who is preparing to become a military chaplain. She expressed frustration, feeling like half the country was cheering over a dead man while her classmates were offering what she saw as sanctimonious judgments "taking the pacifist high road." What about all the people who have given their lives over the past decade or so to track down this man and his followers, terrorists who have killed thousands of people? Is there no appreciation or grace for them?

I felt a little chastised. I "take the pacifist high road" all the time, forgetting that sometimes I run the risk of spitting in the faces of soldiers and veterans, many of whom are people I love. My grandfather is an Air Force veteran, as is my boyfriend's dad. Yes, I find the cheering and singing of "We Are the Champions" a distasteful reaction to any killing; but I need to be reminded that things are more complicated than that. I can sit smugly at home and pass judgment on violence, but there are real people out there risking their lives to protect others.

I've already seen a lot of attempts at a theological response to the news of bin Laden's death, and maybe I'm biased, but I think my dad has done the best job so far. Click here to read his blog post, which acknowledges and embraces the tension between being grateful that justice has been done and understanding that a man's death grieves God, even if that man's life grieved God as well.

 

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